Well, it's finally the holiday I've been waiting for, and I feel like shit. I can't get that stupid phone call thing out of my head. 8 fucking years they have been picking on me. Why me? Why do they have to fucking pick on me. I want to kill them. I do. I've been trying to think what they used to say to me back in elementry school. I think I remember...I think they like used to call me a lesbo or gay or something. Now they coment on what I look like. I think they only say that because of what my diary said back in 6th grade. I feel horrible about that. Why do they have to say that though? Why'd it have to be the two things that make me that way? Why me? Why always me? Matt is ass ugly and that's why his girl friend dumped him. Dan is fat. Ben's teeth are fucked up. I hate them. I hate them oh so much. One day...just one day I'll get them back. I swear I will. So, I have no idea what I'm doing tonight. My dad wants me to come over to his house and take Marcus out, but I don't want to, so, I'm not going to. Steph wants me to go over with her to her aunt's house, but her aunt thinks I'm a devil worshiper, so I don't think I want to do that. I could just walk around my neighborhood, but I don't know. I just want to get away from everyone...I guess. If I went to my dad's house there is a 99% chance I'll run into Ben, Dan, and Matt, so, I am so not going to go over there. I wish he wasn't grounded. I need to talk to him. I really need to talk to someone. Someone who would understand. Everytime I talk to Tara she says 'Don't listen to them, they're assholes', Yea...I know that. But...just because they're assholes doesn't mean they aren't telling the truth or not. I don't know. I hate the way I am. I think mostly everyone does. Why don't I just try and have fun? Tara is like down stairs or something and I'm just up here writing in my diary. Fuck. Fuck them all. Fuck them for making me feel so horrible. Fuck it. I can't do anything, it's always going to be like this. I'm always going to feel like this whenever they talk to me. It's never going to change. God. I hate them so fucking much. I'll write more later... Edit: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! Ugh...I don't know why I'm pissed, but I am. Fuck, I really hope he doesn't get grounded even longer. FUCK! Well, here I am...all alone on Halloween. THIS FUCKING SUCKS! Jesus! I had that little string of hope...I caught it, and then WHOEVER/WHATEVER JUST TOOK IT AWAY FROM ME! This isn't right. Well...here's what happened....He called me and then he asked if I wanted to come over, and of course, I said yes. My grandma droped me off, and then we were just walking and talking and..yea. Then we went to his house...his dad saw me...and now...I'm back home. GOD! Oh fucking well..I guess. Atleast I got to talk to him...but I didn't tell him everything. I didn't get to tell him everything I wanted to say to him. God. Tomorrow...I hope it doesn't suck. I really hope it doesn't kill me. This is just great. I have nothing to do...I don't know what to do...It's just not right.