Well, today was okay. It was better than the last few days I have had. I got most of my homework done, except Social Studies, but I'm just gonna copy off someone's paper or something. I can't do it anyways, because I forgot my book at school... I love fall. I love it when everything is dead. I think it's so pretty. I also love winter. I love snow, I love it when it's cold out. I don't know why. I hate summer and spring though, I guess I hate when stuff is full of life. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible person. Is it bad to keep emotions to yourself? If you don't want someone to know what your feeling, is it okay to say I'm fine, I'm ok, or I'm great? Is it bad to keep from someone who loves you that you do stuff to yourself that could kill you? I might not be anything to you, but you're everything to me The best part of the day was at the end, right at the tennis match. It was fun. I really did have fun. Just being with you, and not haveing to be split up was great. Sometimes I think my friends are so fucking stupid. Like...a while ago, maybe a week or so ago, one of my friends asked what were the lines on my arms. I have no idea if she was being sarcastic, or she's just THAT stupid. I don't think she would be that stupid, because she does it too. I just hate when people do that. They're like 'Omigawd what the fuck is that' or something when they know EXACTLY what it is! I hate when people do that. Am I the only one who hates that? Maybe it's not my friends...maybe it's me. I'm starting to think it is me. Because they wern't like that last year...and not ALL of them can change like that? Can they? I dunno. I feel so bitchy right now...I should stop... Omg...I feel so stupid, I've been using this sitD ID to sign people's comments things. I'm so stupid. God, I hate the way I am. Just the way I think, I wish I could be smarter, well, I'm thinking people are finding out about this diary. I know Gretchen has. I'm not gonna go and make anouther diary either. I'll just make it a friends only thing with only him having access of viewing this or whatever. I'm so stupid. Jesus. I wanna know...is it bad for people to hide what they really feel like? I mean, if they're actually really depressed in the inside, but on the outside they're normal or something else, is that bad? Is it bad to tell your friends that your fine, when you're actually in pain? Is it bad to say that nothing is wrong when something is actually REALLY wrong? Today, many people asked if I was depressed, and I just said I'm FINE!, I'm okay, I'm good...when I was actually scared. I have no idea why. I just was. Then all day I was freezing. The Socail Studies room was so fucking cold. I wasn't actually great till I saw him, till I got to be with him. Just seeing you can heal anything. Your kiss heals all wounds. Along the path where the stream is talking, I breathe the mist and continue walking. The wood it whispers in a language of it's own. As a sigh escaped my lips, I feel the light caress of fingertips that, steal away the breath and leave me on my own. Waiting by the stairs. [Waiting, I despair] Waiting, I despair. [Waiting by the stairs] My whole life is a dark room. One, big, dark room. Do I hear the hollow sound, Footsteps resounding on this frozen ground, Or the familiar disappointment of the echoes of my own? Waiting by the stairs. [Waiting I despair] Waiting, I despair. [Waiting by the stairs] Waiting by the stairs. [Waiting I despair] Waiting, I despair. [Waiting by the stairs] Somehow I ended up here in between, Where there is always the comfort, Of knowing I'll never be seen. When I fall When I fall I wait for just one touch, And I fall Weightless, Endless, Faithless, I'll adore you. A single touch, before I fade. Painless let me pass through. Weightless, Endless, Faithless, I'll adore you. A single touch, before I fade. Painless let me pass through. -The Despair Factor