Dear Tragedy,
I've never had anybody.
Being alone isnt half as bad,
as being obsessed with ;
a breath taker, smile faker.
♥.
Hi, I like Nigel a lot.
and today is 7 months.
shitty.
me and my mom are fighting.
because of last night.
[ I was with Cj last night.
shit, I was 2 hours late. ]
i'm grounded.
I lost all freedom.
Maybe tonight, I can get my mom to bring me to Malta or Fonda or wherever.
I can hang out with Cj. ;]
Because I cant do anything this weekend.
No show, no city. no nothing.
I didnt think i'd be punished this severely.
but I guess it's what I deserve.
my mom told me her first thought was that I shot off my mouth and I got knifed by a puertorican or black man.
But I know she's lying. that wasnt her first thought.
her first thought was that I was having sex with someone she didnt know.
like she has to know who I hang out with.
I feel really crappy.
Im about to leave for my house, no one is home. it wouldnt make a difference.
then I can hide in my bed until the sun goes down, then repeat my actions until the sun comes up.
I have nothing better to do with my time for a while.
I didnt feel like getting out of bed this morning. like my bed had arms that wouldnt release me.
I laid in bed until 6:40 about.
put my hair up, put clothes on. then waited for my mom.
God forbid, I betray her again.
maybe she'll notice how crappy I really feel and she'll lighten up a bit.
but I doubt that will happen, because lightening up for my mother isnt likely.
Anyways, on a slightly happier note.
Nigel seen me in the hallway and I looked down. and he bumped my arm.
I know he did it on purpose, that's the first time he did anything on purpose in a really long time.
I dont want Rachel to talk to him anymore.
maybe I should just give him|us time to sort out our feelings.
or our feelings for eachother, if they even exsist anymore.
Oh.
and people are waiting, yes waiting for us too hook up.
i'm waiting.
I think everyone realizes we should be together but him.
but then again, im not going to secondguess his better judgement. if you can even call it that.
I think im going to go.
maybe I can get something done for computers.
but I really doubt it.
I dont have the initiative to do anything.
I cant even smile.