Hi.
I made a long entry but it got deleted because a jerk had to IM me and make me click the wrong button.
so, im going to re-write this entry.
then call my cousin.
i'll start from friday afternoon.
I called my mom at the start of 5th period.
and she told me my guinea pig died.
I started crying. I was crying all of 5th period.
RIP JayJay the Jetplane.
The best guinea pig ever. ♥
I was helping one of my teachers to get my mind off of things and to keep me from crying.
I wasnt planning on going to lunch because I lost my appatite.
Rachel told me she talked to Nigel.
..
I guess she said something like
" you've been a real asshole lately, and you just dont care about anything "
and I guess he said something like
" is this about megan and her guinea pig? "
and then Rachel said
" pretty much yeah, but it's also the fact that she tells you things and you just dont care "
and then he said
" it's just a guinea pig, wow the stupid things going to die anyways. "
and then Rachel told me she said
" you know she really likes you "
and then he said
.. nothing.
i'm going by what Rachel told me.
because I wasnt there. I dont know if I can believe her or not.
I have serious trust issues when it comes to things like this.
I dropped everything I was doing when she told me that and I started to cry.
I cant give up on this that easy. I like him a lot. and he means the world to me.
everyone knows that, but probably him.
Lauren told me he was only doing this to me because I wasnt black.
she boosted my confidence times 10.
:'[
friday afternoon was the worst and I wanted to die.
I had such a headache come 6th period, I went to the nurses office and took a nap. then went back to bio when there was about 5 minutes left in the period.
I couldnt stand listening to my teacher talk for much longer.
7th and 8th period went fine though.
I came home, showered, got my stuff together and waited for my mom.
I went tanning then I went to tacobell.
I went down to my cousins.
f r i d a y n i g h t .
we were hanging out around her house for a while then we went out to get cigarettes.
it's a bad habit, I know. and I should break it. but I dont want too.
i'm a nervous smoker, I cant help it .. it's what I do.
I got weed too, another bad habit that feels so good.
we made the mistake of bringing Black Mike back to the house, then we got locked out.
we were supposed to meet him back at allen's house but he never showed.
he's a cheap ripped-off person.
we ended up hanging out with tina and antonio.
mike came eventually.
♥.
we had a little talk about how he used me.
[ well, that's what I thought because after that " time " he didnt talk to me at all and he wouldnt even look at me. he'd go in the other direction when I came. it was a mess. ]
he told me he loved me.
cute.
me and mike ended up hanging out.
then we were in the kitchen & bathroom making out.
then we ended up hooking up before the night was over.
I didnt want too, but after we kissed I brought it upon myself. and it just happened like that.
♥.
we went back inside grinning like retards.
everyone knew what happened.
Grandma [ or so everyone calls her ] put me and mike on the spot and asked if we were dating.
neither of us knew what to say so we shrugged it off.
then she asked a better question that I was curious of myself.
she asked mike if he loved me.
he stopped her and what seemed like everything that was going on and said,
love is a big word.
he's right. today love has a million and one meanings.
no one uses it correctly anymore anyway.
it seems like lately love doesnt even matter.
but then he surprised me,
he said that there was a girl and he thought she is the one but he's not sure.
and he looked at me and smiled.
what if it's me?
aw. cute.
i'd get so much shit if I dated him though.
one of his bestfriends hates my guts pretty much. and no one really likes him that much.
I cant handle that, I break under pressure.
the last time we hooked up he thought he was going to be a daddy. I told him that time of the month came and he was extatic. it was cute.
I wouldnt be able to handle being a 15 year old mother anyways.
i'd die.
that's about it for friday night.
OH yeah. I seen Cj earlier in the day.
I didnt jump at the opportunity to hook up with him so he brushed me off.
how incredibly cool is he, not.
s a t u r d a y . ♥
the show was that night. NSC & DIA.
both amazing performances.
nothing worth writing about happened, besides the fact that I walked from group to group to group chain smoking like a fiend.
the only real thing worth writing about was that I talked to Chris Evans.
♥
that boy is amazing.
[ everytime I see him I have a little thing for him. ]
If he ever wanted to date me i'd say yes.
he's nice, despite one of his bestfriends [ which is also mikes bestfriend ] hates me.
but people are weird when it comes to things like that and they act different.
if you like someone enough it shouldnt matter what their friends think.
Then thing I liked most about talking to Chris was that he made an effort to keep a dull conversation going.
I like that.
he even said " bye " to me when he was leaving.
you know he didnt have too.
♥.
it made my heart flip.
Oh. how could I forget?
after the show we went to Charlee's with Josh.
and Josh was making a big deal about how everything I do makes him mad.
and he's always mad at me.
and he asked me, why it mattered what he did because I didnt like him.
I didnt know how to react to that.
because I kind of used to have a little thing for him, but it faded fast.
like all the other little things I have for people.
If you were put on the spot like that how would you react?
it's not that easy to answer a question like that without
1 - hurting someone else
or
2 - making yourself look like a jackass.
I dont know how I feel about anyone anymore.
i've been hurt so much, I just dont know.
[changechangechange.]
today is sunday.
I decided I want to lose wieght.
I want to look good and feel good.
and Nigel is showing me fake sympathy.
that's exactly what makes me hate him.
but when I say I hate him, I dont really hate him. I just get frusterated with him a lot.
there's no way on earth I could hate him.
at least this entry didnt get deleted.
it wasnt exactly like the first one, but good enough.
goodbye.
♥.
i just wanted to say you kind o flook like jake in that picture. :]