i guess my day went okay it wasnt the best ever. i had to wake up uber early and i almost didnt make it to colorgaurd practice in time. we only end up practicing for 15 minutes. gay! so then i went to choir make-up #1... 1st block was super long almost never ending didnt want to do anything...2nd block i had a quiz (which i got 15/15, thank you!) and then wrote tons of notes. ugh 3rd block-small engines.. yeah that was boring and fucking micheal kept kicking my chair and other shit.. he made me mad. god idiot! 4th block- got a book. now i have to read more. i hate reading. and i cant keep up with the reading because im slow, and i have to work like all the time. no time for anything anymore after school i went to choir make-up #2. now im caught up in choir. but in band im not/wont be. i cant go to commencement so i will just take the letter grade drop that i will be recieveing if i dont go. im taking a week off from work (which i couldnt even get all of those days off) for the parades for marching band that we have to march in. so im not going to try and get another day off. im just pushing my luck for my job. me and steph went to get her an application for somewhere special and were there for a while. i got $1.10 from the coffee mechine... it was free today, but some tards didnt know that. lol so they put in their 25 cents. and thats how i got it. mhm brought steph home and then i came home. i started watching wedding singer. its okay so far. then i had to bring my sister to confirmation.... gay as aides! stayed at grammas for 45 minutes.. in that time reading 1 paragraph from my book for communications which i need to read to page 28 but im only on page 11, and practiced the only part of our colorgaurd routine that i know.... froze to death.... and then went back to church. went inside to the potty and came back out of the bathroom then just sat there on the front steps for at least 5,6 minutes. while sitting there i watched someone take apart a paintball gun and try to put it back together and finally with some luck he got it... kinda boring. then i drive home i practice colorgaurd for 10 seconds and decide to quit beings as it is now raining. then i come in the house and head for the computer. go figure get on msn and find that aopparently only the losers are on at this time and i dont really feel like talking to them.. no one talkative. so i go to sitdiary. i find out that one of my closer friends now has a boyfriend... she never told me.. it happened on monday. its wednesday. hmmm.. thanks for telling me. whatever i guess. no one tells me anything anymore i feel like i dont know whats going on in anyones life except stephs. she tells me everything. i guess its mutual because i try and tell her everything, too. im thinking that steph is the closest friend that i have. we spend a lot of time together. not that its a bad thing. its good. oh, and i pretty much ate all day.. i feel fat. i should stop eating for a while, but i cant. because every time that i skip a meal or dont eat every couple of hours... my blood sugar drops a lot and i get super shaky. it scars me. a lot. i feel like there is something wrong with me. it happens a lot. almost everyday now...i wish i didnt have to eat so often. but the doctors say that its normal for teenagers like my age to get "shakey" like i do. but i dont know.. its so bad. why does it scare me so much? now im sitting here.. smelling food... im NOT hungry but i have to eat. im listening to hawk nelson. i love that band. i guess i have made up my mind. about hawaii as how im not going to go. the other day my mom told me that if i wanted to go, that i had to come up with the $1,900 by myself because they cant afford it. cant help me this time. it made me feel like we were running out of money or something. i dont know. so i said that i couldnt go. at all. i had to have a reason. isnt that gay? i put that i couldnt because i was saving for france. i am but just not right now. im poor too. i cant afford anything. i dont know how i feel i guess... mixed feelings...about EVERYTHING i think im going to go to bed without eating so i can get to sleep before i get so shakey again. i hate being afraid. its hard to type through tears...