oh my god today was so god damn boring. and it wont get much better. hmm lets see...my schedule...wake up. watch tv for hours. go online. ate. watched dtr dvd. got a shower. watched some more tv. and that brings me to now--here...just being bored online. i dunno. sometimes [more lately than other times] i feel so left out of things. like...left behind left out sort of thing. i dont know what im doing wrong..but its obviously something.... am i too old to run away? i remember when i was a little kid i used to try to run away whenever i was mad at people. but i would only get down the street a few houses then turn around because i was scared. i feel like running away from things right now. just keep running..get away from it all. looks like its ANOTHER night alone by myself tonight. like it always is..and im not complaining because its the truth. it seems like ive been spending more time alone by myself on nights where i used to do lots of stuff..i feel like i have no one to turn to when i want to just have a good time anymore.and it fucking sucks.. it makes me have that feeling inside...like im crying but not enough to produce tears you know? like your heart just hurts..and you want to cry so much. but i dont want to cry because i know its not gunna solve anything. it seems like nothings gunna solve anything. but..i try real hard and thats all that matters. maybe its not worth it? i mean..somethings are just not gunna be with you your whole life whether your willing to let them go or not..they just wont. just another bump in the road of life. i should stop being so...mental. im thinking too deep and im sure no one really wants to listen to me complain about my life. why should they? theyre lives are already perfect..they dont need someone like me ruining it for them. there i go again. uggh someone stop me im on a roll. and its not a good one. maybe i should just be happy...be positive..you know? just try to turn a bad situation into a good one. i dunno..im trying real hard. maybe some early november would make me feel happy...?? i dunno lets see..haha. ah yes. music most definetly makes me happy. anyways..i got like 4 letters in the mail today about beauty pageants(sp?) and miss teen new jersey things...im like ohkay? thats cool? haha. my sister said i should enter into one of them but i dont know. i dont think they really mean anything do they? i dunno. it might be worth a try. im soo stoked about the concert. hopefully nothing will go wrong...maybe thats what we need? a concert or something to help us loosen up a bit after the whole..well certain events that happened. ace is soo hott. ... ::sigh:: ... haha wow. but kenny is still number one. i can love both. because they are both so amazing. humm...this is sort of a long entry. i think im gunna go now...my sister has to check out some stuff online uggh... saRah