i dont know what to say..honestly i dont want to sit here and write about how i feel bad for myself and complain because i do that all the time but i dont want to sit here and tell everyone im happy because im not happy..everythings not okay its not jealousy..at all. im not jealous. i just miss everything the way it used to be..now i feel forgotten and invisible somehow i knew...in the back of my mind there was this thought..that said "your summer is going to suck"..and it really normally wouldnt suck if things wouldnt have happened and now theres this awkward silence all the time and its not like it used to be at all im scared to compare this summer with last summer because theyll be much much more different and not in a good way. i dont even want to think about last summer because i didnt even know what i had until it was gone..so i should have been happy then..last summer is really starting to scare me its not like theyre going to read this anyway. i just..want what we had last summer..so bad id be willing to do anything god fucking damnit. i hate when things change. i hate how things are off and on. i hate how i think everythings fine but its not. i hate how im happy one day then the next im depressed. i hate how this is eating away at my summer. i hate how i cant let go..i can never let go. i hate how im trying too hard. i hate how i cant let the past go..how its haunting me. but boy i sure do HATE IT when things change. im also scared to give this another go..to start it all over again..i really dont want to get hurt again or screw up again because everything is always off an on..we were so close to it being normal this time..im scared to ask you to forget everything in the past and start all over because i dont know what youll say..if a sorry is in order for this whole thing then ill be willing to apologize because i know i can seem jealous..but its just the past..im missing how everything used to be whatever happened on December 6, 2003 anyway? please respond to me this time..please... saves the day-deciding- And it's not fair-why do I have to be so? oh I feel everything much more-much more than you ever will and it's too hard when I can't even catch your eye so I can't send you messages and at night I dream of reasons that I can't let you go but I don't know if it's time to crack through your walls so thick that I can't see past you and last summer wasn't enough for me and now that winter comes the cold beats harder and no one is left alone and I'm offering you me right now - take me I'm yours and I won't have it any other way so don't let fools be carried by what I say because the night keeps looking our way and you're not seeing what I'm missing 'cause I am missing you and I think that we should run as fast as we can into what we don't know - it's time to let me in because I feel just fine just something to think about..