wensday, wat fun. Im writing here. Today i went to wendys with gordon anf jen after school ... yay ... and now im home. i started writing a story its long its about my friends and theyr depressed days... like 5th grade to 7th its 5 pages alreadi and i am not even close to done with it. School was same as usual. Alot of thinking, its weird becuase now im starting to get into my "depressed time" and they are all staring to get out of it. i remember always talking to them and they would always be depressed and i would try to help them. But its differnt with me because with me it seems like they dont care. And i try to keep it to myself and hide it. I think sherry cichy and gordon are kindof ignoring me bcause of it. They dont want to deal with me bcause i am kinda depressed but its ok i guess.i love them still lol. I alaways have 2 hide myself and act happy but sumtimes its hard because i just wanna start crying. My friends it seems they dont like being around me when im sad so i try to hide it really good so they cant tell but realli im dieing inside. Noone of them no about my diary its ok. ok i tried talking to 1 of my friends about being despressed but it seemd like she didnt care and kept putting her away message on so i just stoped all together nd now try 2 act as happy as i can. Jen ashlee lexi lauryn nd jamie i kno care... they are always trying to make me feel better. i love them so much lol. i hope my friends dont think i just want sympathy beucuse i dont. 1 of my good friends i feel i am starting 2 not be as good as friends with her now. I dont talk to her realli anymore, not at school not online nothing, its since i tried talking to her about me being depressed that we stoped talking she didnt realli care so i stoped and now its just like we stoped talking all together. I always think about Iming her online but i usually end up not doing it. we have been in like 10000 fights its weird and we always became friends after. I remember the last time we fought was when she was in her "depressed time" and i tried talking to her and making her feel better and i remember what she said to me... she said... Omg u help me so much wit everything how do we ever get in fights. Well now she knows its cuz she hurts me ... so much that it makes me cry. I cry when we are in fights all the time she hurts me like them most out of my friends but im way 2 chicken to tell her that and now i am way to chicken to tell her that i think we are becoming farther apart everyday ... im scared to tell her becase of wat she might do or say and i dont want to hurt her even tho she hurts me so much it like kills me i hope i get up the strength to tell her but if she doesnt it will stay hidden from her unless she reads this entary nd leave me a comment. i hope she will but i dont think it will happen. She like is nice 2 me 1 week then ignores me the next and she can get my other friends 2 ignore me 2. Like i wont be invited sumwhere if she is ignoring me or we are in a fight. i just wanna be good firends like before but once again im to chicken to say anythything Also... as i said before im moving next year. It seems like noone of my friends care anymore, like they dont care that i wont be seeing them much anymore it hurts thinking they dont care but whatever i guess i just have to deal with everything and learn to try to be happier... i hate being depressed. I wrote a poem about my friend ... ughh i hate this tho ... i mean i did so much for her and she didnt care ... like alot of my other fiends told me that they kno that i do so much for her and she does nothing back, and another friend told me that this was going to happen, that she always chooses her friends anf forgets about them i didnt belive it but now i dont kno ... whatver ill try 2 feel better but i gg now ... here the poem peace Sammie-- ill sit here thinking ... should i Im you or not.... no keeps going around ... yes is stuck there... next year ill be gone with a smile ..... sitting in school thinking .... im not gonna see u in this hall way.... ill miss talking to u .... but wont miss the hurt it brought to me.... ill see u at times look and give u a smile that kills me.... ill break with u but break more without you