theres only ony way 2 start off this entry... what the fuck is wrong with me!... i feel so stupid/horrible/like i wanna die/kill myself/upset/likee a bad friend/bitchy how came you come from being totally happy to that? ... well i guess i should have known somthing was going to ruin my happiness like it always does. I feel so bad iv been crying and i cant really say why but i guess its my fault im a bad friend i always do things wrong. i get jelous so easily i cant forgive people easily i do everything wrong. i always am a bitch to my friends. Im crying while i am writing this entry how pathetic is that im i hate how this happend. ITS MY FAULT I HATE MYSELF I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME. i dno why im so scared for school to start im gonna die without all my friends i live for my friends i wanna go back to twin groves no matter what i said im gonna loose all my friends they are all gonna forget about me i cant let that happen even tho i kno im not a good friend... IM A FUCKING BITCH and i kno it im really sorry g-d why do i do this. I kno when things are going fine with my friends i just always have to go nd ruin it with my jelousy my bitchyness my rudeness my FUCKING STUPIDETY!!... i havent felt this bad since the middle of 7th grade... so why now... why cant i stop fucking crying. I wanna just end this but i cant do nething about it. i cant talk for myself im a afraid of getting hurt.. i dont have the fucking guts to just end my life so what am i gonna do? sorry if this is depressing or sad maybe u shuldnt be reading it... its my diary nd i need sumthing to let out my feelings... let me die right now please. I gues next year ill jus be as good as invisible... byee twin grovess ill see you in stevenson...... just kill me now so i dont feel so upset... i kno being so content with my life wuldnt last Like iv been told before... somthing always has to ruin happiness im better off dead its no use just waiting for a day where somthing doesnt bother me ... or sumthing bad doesnt go wrong... and its my fault... its just waiting for sumthing i kno will never come. sorry