I realised, diaries dont HAVE to be about what you've done lately. They can be about the way you see things and what you think on stuff and stuff. I think I will write what I think from now on. I think I may be clinically depressed. I get so sad all the time and cry for no reason. But it is a wierd depression, I don't hate anything, I don't think my life is bad. But I am just sad all the time, bored with life. I've stopped thinking about the future, and just basically stopped thinking in general. Everything I laugh about, I am just laughing on the outside, I don't feel anything inside, I am cold. I will try not to let this depression hurt my school marks, and I won't let it interfere with my guitar playing. I might not talk to my friends alot anymore, just I have nothing to talk about. I don't do anything anymore because I've done it all before. I find it all so boring, every bit about everything I do, except my guitar. Maybe I don't need a life. Maybe I can just play my guitar all the time, not talk to anyone anymore. Maybe then will I be happy? Sure I love my guitar, but I dont think I would be happy just having it. I need someone to devote my time to, to smell good for, to look good for. I need someone to hold, someone to hold me. I took a quiz (ok I know they are just for fun) but it said I will find love in the most unexpected place, that it was probably right under my nose. You know what I dreamt about last night? Mitch. And it's wierd, the dream was like me and him were together and liked eachother alot. But I have no physical attraction to him in real life. But still I will hold onto my dream about spring break, and try to make everything happen. I look around me and see everyone happy, and I am happy for them. When they have problems, I listen to them, when they tell me anyway. It's wierd, I don't tell people how I feel, or my problems, I just dont.. trust anyone. I think that if I tell someone one thing, they will go tell another person and talk about it with them behind my back. I am going to just tell it all to my diary, yes I know this is public and that people can see it, but it is better than me talking about it in real life, because I can never find the words, and I think people will laugh at me, or tell me that what I think/do is wrong. Sure they can say it in comments on here, but those comments can be deleted. Though I dont like to delete comments, so I won't. That is all, I have spewed all my thoughts into this entry, but I have one last thing to say, a happy thing, to me, because it is something I look forward to in life. I cant wait to get my hair cut and dyed!!! Also, I need $5 for spending money, but not from my parents. I am not begging.