FU SITD :( kidding kidding i had to write all my thoughts in a word document maybe ill cut and paste them in here later when I'm at home. PS. Sorry I couldn't go with you ang to second Cup to get some chai tea .. my shoulder hurts like a bitch and I just want to go home and chillll not to mention I have found out I'm allergic to the sun :) fuckin a. :) Note: the following is going from farther back in time, to like.. day before yesterday. So I say "today" a lot, but they are actually different days. So yes. -- I have to write as much as I can in 4 minutes. I have a lot of emotion in me lately. I have been really moody cause of these BC pills. It’s fuckin retarded. I thought I was bipolar then I talked to Doctor Josh M. and he said I most likely wasn’t. Messed up if you ask me. Lately I have been getting into this weird trance state where I just stare… and stare… it’s really weird. I kind of hate it. I always have the staring feeling behind my eyes, even if I’m not. And when I eventually do end up staring I feel as if I don’t want to move ever again, and that I am extremely comfortable. I missed Ben so much this week, it was almost unbearable, this whole trance thing really does pass the time, and I think it made the time without him go by a lot faster. But I still ...(cut out) I totally forgot what I actually made this to write about. Oh well. I guess when I remember I will write it down. It’s like I need to type out my thoughts because writing it isn’t enough. My brain is so accustomed to a computer that I need to write a diary entry on it and it only. Yarr. People really fucking piss me off. They take my relationship with Ben as a complete joke and mock me. "__" said dad. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT. FUCCCKK YOUUUU. I felt like crying after he said that…. Horrible. And IRMA with her “you gunna blah blah blah..” bullshit. Seriously. STFU. So we were shooting the pellet gun in the back yard and then we see hawks circling our house and stupid me has to point the gun at it and then the police showed up and were all “you cant shoot that here” and yes it was very funny. So tonight my parents got piss drunk and were gunna make Ben drive them to the liquor store to buy them shit .. and yeah then we didn’t and I got so angry I almost cried (Ben says I did, but I honestly do not remember). I am sooo glad he was with me tonight .. it was a very good night I had a really good time .. .. I Love how he’s always there for me, and he comforts me … and I just love him more than anything .. I Know I say that a lot but.. it’s the complete truth .. and I just hate how I can’t describe it … I always want to be with him, and he is always ALWAYS on my mind. It’s like a presence… I was always jealous of other people and their boyfriends/girlfriends and how I didn’t have one.. and I always thought that when I finally did get one it would be something really great. And it truly is… it’s the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I don’t take Ben & mine’s relationship as.. a … relationship. I just don’t know how to describe it .. he’s not my “boyfriend” .. he is a lot more than that. He is my best friend, the person I am closest to.. I just don’t know what to call him. I guess he is my "significant other"? It’s the only thing that fits in that space … it’s the only thing that makes any sense. I wish I could be with him always …