id like to say that everything has been pretty much going my way lately =] and i couldnt be happier. aside from school n work; but thats the normal drama, right? things between me n rick seem to be pickin up a lil bit n goin real good. i now jus have to relax n learn not to shut him out so quickly. i freak out wen i start to get close to a new guy. idk why.. jus everything. scares me. n then i always end up losin out on somethin that coulda been good. but its hard not to do it.. its damn near impossible. but i jus gotta try = take things slow. that always helps. i dont think im quite ready jus yet to be in another serious relationship. things will all eventually fall into place. wats meant to be will always find a way, right? =] speaking of... ryan. he wont leave me along. and his kid is due any day now. and hes still with her. so then why does he gotta sit here n constantly tell me how much he loves me n wants to get a fuckin hotel n fuck n move in with me n this n that.. like i dont get it.. at all. shouldnt he be tellin all that to his gf... whos the mother of his kid any day now? and wen i bring it up he jus gets all pissy bout it n tries changin the subject. oh but yet he wants me to let my guard down? yea i dont think thats gonna be happening anytime soon with him. guarantee it. and then i got zach all pissed at me cuz i wouldnt pick his drunk ass up from the bar last nite. really? it was 130 in the damn morning wen u call n u knooo damn well i gotta be up at 630 for work. goddd. dont get all pissy at me cuz i didnt answer. forreal. guys have some nerve. anywho. st patricks day is in 3 days!! soo excited.. gonna go out n partyyy my ass offff =D.. andddd gary comes home from the army FOR GOOD tomorrow nite!!! yayyy! FUCKINNN FINALLYYY... i havent seen him in almost a year n a half.. cant freakin wait.