thats wat i gotta keep tellin myself, right? right. alot of people seem to be walkin out my life lately. it sucks.. but uk wat i say to it? u wanna be stupid enough to walk away, then ima be smart enough to let you go. i havent talked to ryan for about a month now. ever since he randomly told me to leave him alone. like i said, u wanna leave my life, go for it. it was hard at first especially cuz i texted him 24/7 n how close i was with him n i really did love him.. but as the days went on, it jus got easier n easier. i think this is something that was meant to happen tho.. and shoulda happened a long time ago. he wasnt doin me any good at all.. jus lead me on n shit. wanted to have his cake n eat it too. obviouslyy that only works out for a lil bit.. everyone knows that. and if all ur gonna do for me is bring me down n lead me on, then honestly, im glad u left. cuz now my eyes are once again opened to reality. past few nites tho ive been havin dreams bout him textin me.. kinda funny cuz i have him in my phone as "kiss my ass" n thats how it comes up in my dreams too aha. i jus hope they arent them kinda dreams that eventually come tru over the next few weeks =/.

so watever happened to bros before hoes? especially wen ur supposedly "best friends". then this hoe ass comes along n decides to control ur life n u LET her.. like wtf... n then she makes u cut me outta ur life simply cuz she "dont kno me" and is obviously jealous. lololol. watever seriously. u wanna let a hoe come between us n control ur life n make u cut ur friends out cuz she dont accept em, then so be it. byeee. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. idk wat the reasoning for these recently few things are but i guess its something.. right? its jus kinda funny how its been all guys leavin my life lately, ha. maybe thats a good thing tho, now that junior walked into my life. completely unexpected. with his cuuute lil mexi self :). but im not gonna say much bout him cuz im not tryna jinx anything :).

so shawn.. idk wats goin on with him anymore. i think we're on 2 complete different levels. age difference prolly doesnt help with that, ha. but since hes older than me, you would think that hes gonna be more mature than me n wat not... but lately ive been feelin like its the opposite. he goes out allllll the timeee. damn near every nite. n he dont jus drink socially or for a buzz or nothin.. naw, he drinks to get fucked up. def not tryna deal with that. n the fact that he moved back in with his baby mama.. according to him it aint nothin, jus for the kids. ok i can understand that.. but hes basically on house arrest with her 20 thousand rules. so do i really wanna try to pursue somethin with someone like that...? the more that i think about it, i reallyy dont.. n i hate wen hes drunk. its annoying.. n he calls a million times n tries to see me... but then wen i go see him, we sit there n argue. cuz hes fuckin ignorant n shit. like wtf... im not gonna sit there n let u run ur mouth n try bashin me n shit... hell naw, ima open my damn mouth n argue back n eventually ima jus say FUCK IT n walk away. shits sad.. not even dating n ur already tryna argue. and ik hes a player. i aint down with that... i been with too many players n been hurt too many times. its time for me to have a good guy who will treat me the way i deserve to be treated.. like how i treat whoever im with. damn.

so my guess is that junior came into my life like this to show me that i needa stop fuckin with these other lamesss. hmm? i guess we'll jus have to wait n see. mind you, i HATE waiting! drives me crazyy... but good things come to those who wait.. so lord grant me patience.