wow didnt realize how many months have passed since i last wrote in this. my how time fliesss. well lets see.. dont talk to douche bag anymore. def a good thing, seein as how he LIVES with his bitch n shit but yet still wants to be "friends with benefits" with me. HAA good joke, buddy. fuckin idiot. oh well, i pissed him off anyway cuz i told him i was moving out with a guy =] ahaha.

anywhooo.. lets seee... well i walked off my shithole job, FINALLY! wooohooo =D def told them i had to run somethin out to my car quick.. sykeee, i got in my car n floored itttt. and the dumb bitches didnt have the courtesy to call me n ask wat was going on. instead they had all my coworkers text me askin if im comin back or if they should jus say fuck it n take me off the schedule. SERIOUSLY?! uhm ok fat heffers wat if there was an emergency n i had to leave right away. thats exactly how i kno i made the right decision. u can only push someone so far before enough is enough; tired of bein treated like complete shit. so now the job search continues.. its hard, but i never give up. had an interview yesterday, and they want me for a second one tomorrow. so fingers crossed n everything that i get it! cuz man oh man, i miss my shopping sprees! ahh def goin crazy.

soo wat else.. hmm.. guys. oh boy. well.. me n zach are getting close again. but i dont think its gonna get anywhere. def not as long as the courtney hoe is in the picture. i swear she is a super jealous stalkin ass bitch. EVERYY SINGLEEE TIMEEE i write on his damn fb wall or like/comment on his status, she has somethin to say.. like immediately. STALKER. bitch aint even dating him. so, of course i cant hold back my temper; i snapped aha. then zach got mad n blah blah blah.. told me im more mature than that lol watever. ended up snappin on him too n told him im done tryin n if he wants to actually see me, then he can lemme kno. yeaaa he kissed my assss for like the next week or so ha. so obviouslyyy im more important than youu courtney hoee ;). duh. but he aint ready to settle down. we already talked bout this... but im not sure that i can wait around for him. cuz now that i can honestly n 100% sure that im completely over douchebag, i kinda wanna be ina relationship again. i mean im not out lookin for someone.. cuz i enjoy bein single n havin my freedom n goin out n all that shit.. but if someone comes along, hey im not gonna back awayy. as for ryan.. he says one thing, n does another. AS ALWAYS. god. i swear his fuckin mexican ass is never gonna leave his baby mama. i can guarantee it. he wants his cake and he wants it too. its ridiculous n im sick n tired of waitin for that shit n gettin hopes up for nothing. ugh he really works my mf nerves. dont sit there n tell me u love me soo much n u wanna marry me n move in together n blah blah blah.. but yet WONT BE WITH ME. uhmmm hellooo im not stupid.. i KNO ur still with ur bitch, u jus dont wanna be real n honest with me. which i cannot standdd. dont sit there n lie to me n sugar coat shit. mother fucker be honest. watever.. def sick of his head games. jus last nite he told me he loves me n mwah.. then an hr later i texted him n he said can u leave me alone. i said uhm wtf? n he said bye. soo i thought maybe he fell asleep n it was his bitch textin so i said uhm wtf is ur problem unless this aint even u. n he said this is ryan. leave me alone. this is the shit that im talkin bout.. like wtf bipolar ass. think im bout to be done with his mexican hoe ass.

sooo theres this guy shawn. i like to call him my sexxyy neighbor. weird, cuz i dont normally go for white guys. but i think its cuz everything else about him is my type. hes like that thug type.. looks talks n acts hard.. covered in tattoos.. gets faded up n designs in his hair. and he cuts hair like that n hes raww. he wasss livin with his baby mama by me.. his 2 lil girls are ADORABLE omg i love them. me n him clicked real good like right away wen we first started talkin.. n since of course all everyone ever does by me is talk shit, ppl started sayin that shit was goin on between me n him, wen it wasnt. so his baby mama has a prob with me n shes never even talked to me before in her mf life time. i even make the effort to smile every time i see her but all she does is mug. so watever. then last weekend we were all outside drinkin. she never comes out. but she sits there n spies out the window to make sure shawn aint by me n shit. well she seen that he walked me home so she came outside n started snappin on him but wouldnt say shit to me. he went inside n came back out like a half hr later n said she went psycho on him n attacked him n kicked him out. so he moved in with a friend n me n him been talkin n hangin out more... but now his baby mama been cryin to him n shit. hes uncomfortable with where hes at now so hes talkin bout movin back in with her BUT makin it well known to her that it aint no relationship.. hes jus gonna be there to help out with the kids. he asked me how i felt about this.. n he said if im not comfortable with it, then he wont do it. i mean dont get me wrong, i really appreciate the fact that hes askin me my opinion n thoughts n all that.. but i aint his girl..... yet.. lol. so i guess i cant really say much.. but i totally understand that hes movin back for his kids. hes a real good dad. and i dont want him to stay somewhere if hes uncomfortable or anything like that. we jus gotta be on the low low with shit now. but im ok with that for now especially cuz we aint even together or anything. he is reallyy sweet to me tho. like i wasnt expectin that shit from him jus cuz of the way he looks n presents himself. but he always calls me beautiful n gorgeous. we went down to the lakefront the other nite n went out on the pier to jus chill n look at the stars n all that. n he held me the entire time. idk, its jus a nice change cuz all my exes didnt like doin that shit. n he calls me jus about every nite. n he actually listens wen i talk to him n he remembers everything i say to him. he asks me how my appts go n interviews n all that. idk, i jus like it. alot. so i guess we'll see where things go between us. :)