alright its time for a big clarifaction aboot what is wrong with me, im very stressed out from work, its really tough going day in and day out and because of it i've takin it out on others(namely meaghan), i have acted like a complete asshole, said far too many things i dont mean, last night we really got bad and i even asked her if that was it.. she told me no and we tried to stay with eachother for the night but it didn't happen, i seen her again today and we were alright for a bit, then we picked up amanda and frodo and i started up again, i wasn't talking much and when i was i was being an ass.. again, had a scare too when thomas fainted right outside my work, his parents picked him up and we drove around abit and i didn't really talk much(i dont usually tho when amandas in because mostly meaghan and her just talk so i stay quite) i got dropped off and went to work and wondered aboot her the whole shift.. MUSIC CHANGE: In Regards To Myself-UnderOATH pretty much due to one lil comment aboot me not caring aboot life and what i have did this all to me, i have to realize that i have more then i deserve and i mean that, meaghan is the most amazing girl there is in the world, she made me believe again, now i cant lose faith no matter what happens, i kno its hard but i gotta do it, for our sakes. amanda told me today how much she really loves me and what me doing this has done to her, and not gonna lie(i dont kno if amanda noticed) i nearly cried, i was very close to it so i gotta pull it all back together, im not gonna let it crumble i love you sweetie with all my heart i hope you accept my apology for all thats happened lately, this is the last time im gonna bring it up, i wanna move forward and try and forget the last little while i can only do it if you do it with me(that sounds very dirty but hopefully you dont take it that way) well thats my truth EDIT. i listened to november rain tonight.. first time in seven months.. i cried my fucking eyes out it really put alot into perspective to me.. i've finally woken up too bad it may be too late..