I realized that I havent written in this thing in forever. So I figured Id write a quick update. Basically my life has been like literally insane. Theres been so much going on lately. I dont think that Im going to have time to write about it all. And to make things worse Ive been like beyond tired lately... I went to Boccas last thursday night with some of the girls and we met some of our parrtayy friends there. It was wicked funn but we were out all night. I didnt get home until 4 in the morning. I went to bed for 2 hours and then woke up and went to school all day... came home and got ready... and then went to work. By the time I got home from work and got some stuff done it was like midnight. Then I had to get up at 4:30 to leave for a college visit. So thats why Ive been like beyond tired and dead to the world. I went back to the doctor the other day- which was kinda pointless but kinda not pointless. He didnt really tell me anything that I didnt already know so that was like the pointless part of it. But basically he sent out my different test results and my charts and stuff to a specialist and hes suppossed to let me know as soon as he hears back from him. And then theres like a million different options of things to do. I guess if the specialist determines that I need to start immediate treatment then Im going to have to start all this medication and stuff- but if he says that he wants to wait and test more then I have to go back and forth to the hospital like every week and have tests done. So it sounds horrible but I hope that he can just figure out whats wrong with me and determine that Im sick so then this way I dont have to go back and forth to the hospital all the time. Itll be bad enough to have to go back and forth the doctors office to have check-ups or whatever. I think that Ive decided not to talk to thee boyy again- at least for right now. I just need to be over it- but thats going to be wicked hard for me to do because I still care about him and I want to 'be with' him but I dont want to be treated like shit either. Last thursday night a complete stranger treated me better than he usually does. And I dont know something just like clicked with me I guess. So until he figures out what he wants and treats me better then were not talking. When he wants to talk then well talk but until then Im gonna try and do my own thing and see whoever I want and hell just have to deal with it. Well I just went downstairs and got the mail- and there was a letter in there from the same group that I was suppossed to go to Europe with last year- and they want me to go again. I dont even know if I should just throw it out or show it to my mom. I really dont think that theres any chance that Id be able to go anyways. So I dont know- that may cause more drama. Well have to see how that goes- it would be amazing to go but I dont know if I really want to try and raise the money to go again and not be able to go. So right now I basically have to wait and see what the doctor says... wait for thee boyy to decide what he wants... and wait to see what my mom says about going to Europe again this summer? Lots of waiting to do.