yesterday i spent the entire day with mike. we suprisingly didnt fight like we normally do. we went and did a bunch of errands. and then we went and saw a movie and went to eat. it was deffinitly a change for me and him because we basically fight like were married whenever were together and it gets to the point where its ridiculous and yesterday we actually had a really good day together and there wasnt really too many problems. but yesterday i deffinitly realized that i can never be with mike or anything like that because hes got way to much baggage and are personalities are way to much alike so all we would ever do is fight with eachother... and not only that but whenever we fight he basically makes me feel like shit and makes it seem like its always my fault and i really couldnt deal with that on a day to day basis. so after we were done doing a bunch of stuff we picked up erin and then mike took us back to my house... we hung out here for a little while and then we went out with jen and mark... we wanted to drink last night and of course the people who always buy us alcohol were no where to be found or couldnt meet up with us for a while. soo finally i was like we really only have one option left... biggs. so i was like whatever ill call him- because weve been talking on and off again for the past few days- and i was like ill see what hes doing and see if hell do me a favor... seeing that its really the least he could after everything thats happened. so i called him and he said that he was at the studio and hed probably be there for another 20 minutes or so but if we couldnt find anyone else he deffinitly would and he said to call him in like 20 minutes because hed be getting ready to leave... 45 minutes later i called him and he was still there and he was gonna be there for a little while longer. so i was just like whatever forget about it its not a big deal and he told me that he was gonna call me in a little while and i didnt think that he was really gonna so i was like ook ill talk to you whenever... so i came home around 1:45 or so and my phone started ringing and i thought that it was probably erin. so i went to get it and saw that it was biggs. so i answered it and we started talking... we were on the phone until after 5 this morning. and he asked me if i was still mad at him and he kept asking if i would come and see him and he was asking me basically over and over again if i missed him... and he was just saying all of this stuff and calling me baby and stuff and... and i dont know. we had like a good talk and like it really just makes me miss him more and more. and i want to see him so bad because i miss him like crazy but i just dont know what i should do. should i give him another chance and talk to him again and be with him again or should i just be done with it and just stay friends with him... like he did alot of stuff that really really hurt me but at the same time he was always so amazing and other than the situation that went down- he treated me so well and we had the best times together. so i dont know what to do... i really think i need to see him-- especially in like a public place like the show on saturday and see what he says and how he acts towards me. theres potentially alot of drama that could do down there and i think how he reacts is going to say alot. like i know hes going to be working so to say but i think im not gonna be like trying to talk to him and be all over him- i think that im gonna see how he acts towards me first. but i dont know-- i know that im gonna have to deffinitly update after tomorrow... maybe even after tonight depending on whether or not i talk to him tonight. i just dont really know where things stand with us and i dont know if i want to rush into something with him. i know that i miss him and i want to be with him so bad but i dont know if thats what i really need-- its deffinitly what i want but i dont know if i need it. well i have to work today for the first time in basically forever... and i have to work tomorrow tooo- but hopefully it wont be that bad. and i dont know what were doing tonight seeing that it is friday night and all-- we deffinitly need to do something but theres a good chance that we wont. maybe ill just come home after work and sleep seeing that i have to work tomorrow. i know that at some point tonight i need to meet up with focus so that i can get my ticket for the show because he has it... but ive got to be to work in an hour. and im no where near ready. i still have to take a shower and find clothes to wear... so i guess that i probably should go and start getting ready? until later...