things have been kinda crazy lately. and i feel like its been forever since ive updated so this is going to be a really really long entry. i guess that some things have changed and some things have remained the same. so where to begin... well i guess that i can start with the saturday before my birthday... i hung out with mike? and erin and katie and ellijah. it was so weird. so me and mike were basically fighting because he had said something to me about biggs and was just being a complete asshole to me and i was just like wooooow. so when everyone decided to go to downtown i just made ellijah bring me home because i didnt want to stay with mike anymore because he was being absolutely ridiculous. so school went by pretty fast... and before i even knew it it was my birthday. and my birthday was actually really good :) i went to school for half of the day and then went out to lunch with my grandparents... and then later that night i went out to dinner with the whole crew... and steff gave me a special present. haha-- he deffinitly bought smoke and gave me a good chunk of it for my birthay :) and mike had called erins phone to see if we wanted to hang out and erin told him that we couldnt right now because we were out to dinner for my birthday and i guess that he wanted to talk to me so we talked for a while and the phone and he was being so nice and he was suppossed to come and see me but he never did? so i was kinda like whatever-- we finally got done eating and after we left the restaurant we went and hung out at jordans house and smoked. it was basically amazing. haha-- then after that we all went home and i just passed out and slept so good that night. friday i didnt go to school because my mom was basically like ook whatever you can stay home... soo me jen and erin went to lunch and it was basically the funniest shit ever. and then after that we went and picked up brenda and brion and went party shopping. and that had to be some of the best times ever. so after we were done with that i went home and then melissa came and picked me up... we hung out for a while and got some more stuff for the party. then i came back home to get ready-- melissa picked me up and then we went to get loren. we met up with mark and brenda and went to liquor store... we had to wait for joe gabel to get there and he took about ten thousand years but he finally got there and bought us a ton of stuff to drink and then invited us to his house the next day because he was having a party. so we left there and went to brenda and brions house for there party... there had to be over 200 people there throughout the night and it was basically amazing. i mean it deffinitly had its not so good moments but for the most part it went well... one of the not so good moments was when mike was there. i was saying goodbye to a friend of ours and i gave him a hug before he left and mike basically flipped out and was like asking erin who it was and stuff and i was like woooow your so retarded. so then him and i really didnt talk and then all of the sudden we started fighting because he started saying some stupid shit to me... and we got into a huge fight and he left and i basically was almost in tears and i just wanted to go home. but im soo glad that i didnt because i had so much fun for the rest of the night. i think thats probably one of the top three times that ive been that messed up. i was really to drunk to even function... and basically i think i made an ass out of myself when i was outside? haha- i dont know because i dont remember everything from that night. i do know that i made one of the biggest mistakes that i could have ever made by calling biggs. we talked for 45 minutes and he said he thought i was playing all of these games and stuff and he told me that he would call me because i remember him saying that and has he called? nooope. so were deffinitly over with... i mean weve been done with for a while now but i really have nothing to say to him at this point. he knows the truth and he knows whos really playing games and i just dont want anything to do with him anymore because i dont need this kinda drama and stuff in my life. so after i got off the phone with biggs me mark brittnie and melissa went to the skylark for food? haha. i dont really remember alot from there. i remember that at some point i passed out in marks car? and then he took me home at like 5:30 in the morning? and i woke my brother up trying to get inside the house and he had to help me get up the stairs because i could barely stand up? haha-- i looove my brother. i honestly probably would have passed out on my living room floor if it wasnt for him. so saturday morning my mom woke me up and i was still drunk from the night before... and all i wanted to do was sleep but i went with her to her hair appt. and then we went and got our nails done and stuff and went to lunch so that was kinda cool. so after we came home for a while my mom told me that i could have her car for a little while so i went and got erin and took my brother and his friend mark where they needed to go... but when i got to erins she told me that someone called her and wanted us to hang out tonight and i asked her who and she told me mike and that he would come and get us and stuff... and i was like well you better call him and make sure that its ook that i come after last night at brenda and brions party and so she did and hes like yeahh its fine i want her to come and hes like ill be at her house at 7:30 to pick you guys up... and so we hung out with mike at his house? and he was kinda being an ass to me again and i was like wooow mike. so he took erin home and then was taking me home and im like look we need to talk and he was like about what and i was like about everything thats happened. so we drove around for a little while and then we parked outside my house and talked for like an hour... and he basically said that he wanted us to be together and he thought that we stopped talking because of biggs and the thought of me with someone else made and still makes him upset. and he was just basically jealous and upset about the whole situation and he missed me and stuff. and he said that hed been basically being an ass to me because he was jealous and stuff. and like our talk was amazing. and hes like i know you dont have my house number (because i used to just have his cell and then he turned that phone off and went to a new plan and got a different number and so i didnt have anyway to get ahold of him) so he gave me his house number and stuff and was like call me tomorrow and stuff. and like things were left on such good terms. so sunday night melissa and me and erin went over to his house and he did it all again- he acted like an asshole and was just mean to me the entire night and was like in a shitty mood and i was just like wooow. he was honestly being so mean to me for no reason. the only like nice thing he said to me the entire night was when he mentioned that he got into SUNY Albany and i was like for the fall semester and he was like yeah and i think that im gonna end up going there and i was like ohh well i got accepted there for the fall semester tooo and he told me that i should go there tooo. that was like the only time he was nice and stuff-- and like he was wicked tired so he asked me to drive us home and i did and like i told him that he could just stay at my house until he had to pick up ellijah and hes like noo it would be awkward and all of this stuff and i was like umm ook it wouldnt be but thats cool. soo i dont really know where things stand right now between us. i dont really know why i even put up with all of the bullshit he puts me through but i do. so who knows... but then yesterday i talked to joe for the first time in a long time? and he basically told me that he wants us to start hanging out again and that he wanted me to have whatever i wanted and all of this stuff. and i dont know it was weird but like a good weird. soo i dont know i guess that him and i might hang out... i told him that i would call him when i wanted to hang out and i havent yet so well see how that goes. i dont know if i really want to have something happen with us if im trying to make things work again with mike... which probably will never happen. this is all way to confusing. and i got accepted to University at Buffalo and Albany. im still waiting to hear back from some other schools so time will only tell. i was pretty excited seeing that i was getting a little nervous because i hadnt heard back from any schools. im going to get my hair done today-- i still have noo idea what i want done to it... i dont know what color highlights i want. i dont know how i want it cut. and my appoinment is in like an hour. and then after that i have to go to work. and plans for tonight... who knows. maybe ill hang out with mike tonight? maybe i wont. i really have nooo idea at this point. but i guess that thats really all thats been new? this entry was so lonnng-- but it was deffinitly good to vent about everything thats been going on. update soon? yepp i think soo.