That is a quote from Luis Bunuel, who I recently learned of and fell in love with through a forum. I have yet to see his work, but as a person, he seemed very interesting, and coincidentally, I've actually seen a clip from one of his films, Un Chien Andalou, a long time ago, in which a woman's eye gets slit open with a razor. It just so happened that he work with my favorite artist, Salvador Dali, on the short movie. And for me, it is a MUST-SEE. Until then, it's already been inspiration for me. Even if Kelly will look at the drawing I did for her the other day, she'll notice ants crawling out of an eyeball, which I got from a part in the movie where ants crawl out of a hole in a hand. The reason I chose that quote is because of how it coincides with more religious situations I've dealt with this year. Somehow I always find myself there, which is because I choose not to stay quiet sometimes. I suppose sometimes these things do manage to bring me closer to my faith. And recently a made a short list of when I think the new vegetarians would cave in. Well, I believe for one girl, Hannah, I said she'd give up on the 17th. Well it just so happens, she either gave up on the 17, or a day or two before it. I win. One other girl, Brittany, I said would give up on the 19. She gave up, and it was dead on the 19. I win again, foo.' The other girl, Samantha, still hasn't given up, and I'm beginning to doubt she will anytime soon. Today she made me smile (mentally, at least), because she said she didn't do it just because of cows dying. For some reason a small shower of joy rained over me at that moment, because I felt like she was using common sense. SUICIDE NOTE: And then finally, the main reason I wanted to write an entry today was to talk a bit about myself. Something I barely ever do directly on here. I have mentioned before how I don't like to talk about myself too much like this, particularly, because it's so direct, and it's too predictable on something called sitDiary. Mmhm. I could talk about how bad life sucks and how depressed and lonely I am, and how I like to slit my wrists, and eat poison cookies, 'cause everybody hates me and beats me up on the football field. None of that is true, by the way. I've not even been on the football field, since I was a wee-little lad, maybe ten years ago. Or less, maybe. And plus I hear poison cookies have a high death-rate. Gluttons! I don't think life sucks. Anyone who honestly believes such a thing deserves to die. I would almost say that about the slitting of wrists, but I'll refrain, due to some people being into that rough sexual play type of thing. Sometimes, however, I do go through small bouts of depression when I'm at home, for who knows what reason, but it's never anything big; I just think it's a part of dwelling on the things that I don't even consider a big deal most of the time. Loneliness. Hm. I just haven't felt lonely in so long. It's truly odd, too, because at one time I seeked friends in numbers. And that wasn't a stage for me, that was just how it had always been. But I believe I've had an epiphany, it's just the fact that now, there are just people I detest so much, I'd consider it a shame and a low to befriend some of these people. And for me, that makes a slight shift in how I view people. Settling for what I can get does not work well for me sometimes. I reserve myself for the best of people (who I consider best, anyway), in hopes they'd want me, of course. I believe this thought so strongly occured the other day when I went to lunch for the first time in quite a few days. A former very good friend moved away from me and made a negative comment, in all his seriousness, while I was going through a spell of slight-immaturity. A sudden feeling of excitement and relief surged as I realized this person didn't have the same tastes in fun I had been used to hanging around with years before. Suddenly, it appears that he's grown more boring, and I'm glad he's taken a stand on who he wants to be, because some people prefer to be more serious...than I do. And I can be pretty serious, let me tell you. (Heh. ;-) A lot of my old relationships have faded into nothingness, and others have bloomed. And I love the change, because I find myself associating with a few people who seem to care about me, and I care about them as much or more. I do hope I don't lose the people I love now in the ways I've lost the old rejecters and rejectees. It'd certainly be something to regret and hate, and therefore I'll think nothing of such handicapped thoughts. But since I'm speaking of regret right now, I'll say that I don't regret anything of the past so far. I've loved everything, good and bad, I've felt. And to everyone and everything I have associated with in the past, I'd like to say I still love those things. As they existed in the past. If I did love them now, then they would not be things of the past. There's always the future to relocate things, but right now I'm content and in love with my memories and the present, that strives for the future. I went back and titled this part as a 'Suicide Note' though, as you know, I'm against that. If anything, I meant it metaphorical, because as I've said/quoted already, "...I am become death..." I just love to destroy and reconstruct. And sometimes just build on to. And for right now that's all I have to say. Except that everyone that puts up with me, and actually cares about me, as I do them, thank you and I give you my love. -Josh [Of course I believe in myself] I REFUSE TO BE STAGNANT