I got back a little while ago from my small celebration for the New Year, and unfortunately I left bitter, because I felt left out (I was the bad person) and alone (I was left in the back seat, even though they'll see plenty of each other; spending the night) of my friend and girlfriend. And at least one of them will read this, so I imagine I've said too much as it is. I might as well give some detail though, right? But I did have fun, and there are places I wish to explore near my friend's house now. I think it's weird how a new year brings in a new skin. Why not every month, we just change something about ourselves? Or every millenium; that'd have to be something pretty big. I remember spending the start of 2000 or 2001 at my friend's house, though afraid for my life that something spectacular like Jesus ripping off the roof of my friend's house and taking me into the sky was going to happen. But no that did not happen, I just got suckered in to everyone else's dream/fear. But despite the anti-feel you may have gotten from what I think of a New Year's Resolution, this year, unlike others, I think I will work on something. Because I have emotionally changed recently. I want to take a stronger look at my appearance, and change it. This is the issue with me lately. I even started a trend of re-"tracing" a K into my arm, everytime the skin begins to heal. Which started out of a complicated day, when everything was bothering me, I was in an arguement with someone, and I felt very, very ugly. So I took manicure scissors and made a K into my arm. And I feel this K represents something big about me, and so now to let it fade away seems wrong. It's starting to now, so when I press save after I finish typing this, I may have to redraw it. Notice I'm avoiding words like "cut" or "carve," just because that feels oh so cliche, and I'm really trying to avoid fitting in with those dorks that cut themselves and brag about it on their blogs. And just so you know, I do not practice cutting in that fashion. Any cuts I've given myself represent a piece of my personality, similar to a tattoo. I give myself tattoos. Remember "I do not mutilate, I destroy and then create,"? Or something like that. Just go an entry or two back. So no, my resolution is not to stop retracing a K, or to stop giving myself tattoos, but to continue evoking the power of the K. It's to redraw that K, so it can redraw me. Because I'm going to be fucking beautiful. And that's how I plan to utilize the Resolutionizationism System. The day I drew that K, I felt my metaphorical bones crack. Every joint stayed as it was, but it began changing. And I feel like I'm changing, not in the sense of love or friendships, but in the sense of viewing things. The way I see out from my inner circle of precious gems. I hear my mother pulling up now, so my concentration has just died. And I guess it's a good time to end here, since I have to be awake by seven to go to work at eight. Maybe K will wait until after work tonight. Happy 2006, to all you celebrating. I plan for this to be an interesting year for myself, and let us hope it turns out as nicely as I wish. -2:43 AM