I'm sitting here in the same clothes since Wednesday. Same everything, except for the socks. And I have a bunch of random thoughts zipping thru my head, but when I try to remember them, they're gone. So, I'm just sitting here, half asleep, half something else. Totally out of it, I guess. Once in a while, my eyes will light up, and I'll remember one of those random thoughts. It just happened. It was one of those that went like "I hope we weren't busy at The Western tonight, cos I don't want the kitchen to be mad at me." And yeah, those random thoughts. I've been having them about like everything. Ryan. School. Friends. The Bus. Sleeping. Whistler...even I think some of Project Runway. Anyway, at the start of this entry I had a good thought about something to write, obviously that thought has died; I don't remember it. Oh yeah, I'm going to do totally awesome this year in school. My memory has gotten more fried. You know, with all the "drugs" I've been on. Which is one thing I don't understand cos I don't do drugs yet I'm lost. I'm so lost. So confused. So careless. I just lost my thought, yet again. It's been happening more often now. Probably not good. Last entry, I said I was going to play another game of Scrabble with Parker, which I did do. We got half way thru and then got bored. Words. They're really remarkable. But that's all they are. Just words. Words come and go. But can't stay. Letters. I hate letters. They're just so bland. So boring. I don't get this world. I don't get anything right now, perhaps. Yeah. Well anyway, Willy and his girlfriend are like in the middle of breaking up or something. I really don't know. Poor bloke. He's way too emotional. Has to toughen up a bit. Stop smoking ciggs. Come on, even I know that girls are evil little bitches. And then he finds some chick whom he falls madly in love with and tells me he's going to marry her. And they've been together for what, five months? He's 16, I think she's 14 or 15. Now yes, I know age doesn't matter;; but people change. He's such a dumbass. Yeah, okay. Well, ummm...that's been in my head for a while. One of those thoughts that just won't leave until I write it somewhere. School = Monday. Yeah, I think I've mentioned this like a zillion times before but you know, reality is a bitch. I can't go back to reality. I've been inside this weird, funky fantasy that I can't give up. And by giving up, I go back to Jamie the shy little bitch that is annoying. Yes, that's how I see myself. Except I'm not little, I'm quite tall. Or average. Whichever. But yeah, and I don't like that side of me. I like Parker. The fun, free-spirited chick that I don't know, has the imagination, the brains, the gorgeous boyfriend. Oh Jamie has that too; cos it's the same guy. But like, I don't know Parker is just easier to get along with. Easier to talk to. Jamie doesn't know how to carry conversations. Ahhhh, Jamie! You bloody piss me off. That would actually make some sense if I wasn't both Jamie and Parker. Yeah. I need a shower. Cos I'm still in the same clothes from Wednesday. I conserve water. I am doing good to the world. That's the reason why I'm here, isn't it? I mean, why else would I exist on this earth? Ahhhh, life, you make my head go in turmoil. Or something like that. My ass itches, yet I'm going to refuse to itch it. It'll pass. My glasses are getting dirty, I don't remember the last time I cleaned them off. Before Wednesday most likely. My lips are all chapped, not good. I hate when that happens. School....Monday. School....Monday. I don't think it's going to be a good day. I already feel as though something is going to go wrong. Not only is it cos it's starting on a Monday. Which is just the worst day ever to start school on. But something's going to happen. And if something doesn't happen, I'll just make something happen. So I can say that I knew something was going to happen. And then life will be better, right? Nope, probably not, but whatever. I have to wait until midnight. So yeah, this is probably going to be like the longest entry ever in the history of Jamie. Which Jamie does have a history with this. Ranging thru like 3 or 4 or even more diaries on this site. Yet, only remembering a few of them. And one of them has been butchered and shit cos it said wayyy to much about me. Well, not about me, I could careless about that, but it said a lot of suicidal things and one day back somewhere in 2005, I'm going to assume, my rents wanted into it so I changed like everything. So yeah. Erm, I just saved this entry onto my computer. It seems like my computer is going to die any second. But I'm not finished with this entry. I probably won't be for another hour. But that's good. Sucks for anybody who's reading this. Hell, if I was somebody else, I'd have stopped reading already, but if you're still semi-interested. You can continue. It only goes down or up hill from here. It's your choice. Do what you wish to do in life, and therefore everything goes uphill or downhill, whichever you prefer. I prefer the uphill course of action, doesn't always go that way, of course if it did, I'd be pretty much near perfect with tons of money, a shitload of friends, and a boyfriend by the name of Shaun White. Which, you know, I don't need any of that, I don't need to be perfect. The last part, that would be nice. Definitely. But Shaun White...he's wayyy to competitive for me. Haha, not really, but yes, probably really. Shaun White. There's a secret mystery behind him. There has to be. I was wondering when this entry was going to turn to him. I mean come on, I "secretly" love this guy. It's not really secret though. Most people know that. If they don't, they've been doing wayyy too much drugs. Teehee. My friend Harmony sent me this picture yesterday of Ryan and I. She took it on the day of our class trip to the U.N. Building && NYC && Ellis Island. It's a nice picture. I just went to take a piss. On my way there, I looked in on the living room. My dad sleeping...butt-naked and half of his manly parts sticking out. Oh yeah, just exactly what I needed to see! It's thundering out. I have just noticed. I like thunder. It's like the sky's way of telling people that it hates what they're doing to the earth. Cos seriously, we're the most fucked up species ever. Every other species has learned to give back to the earth, except for us. All we do is destroy. Trees, they're precious. Even though, I'm allergic to probably all of them... Technology. Ugh. We'd be so much better off without all this technology. I'm not sure where all of this is coming from. Besides, well my brain, that's an obvious. But have I been harboring all these thoughts, having no where to put them, so I just let them hang out in my head. Or is this just the painkillers talking? I have a message to myself on my wall. It says something like "Saturday 26 2PM channel ?" and I don't know what it means. Obviously something I wanted to watch, but WHAT...I guess I'll never know. The new season of Degrassi starts Friday September 29th. I can't wait. I'll be at work then, but still. Awesomeness. Lightning. Just saw two flashes of it. Oh, let it storm. Let the skies be mad. Let the Delaware River flood. Let the world finally realize that this is GLOBAL WARMING. It's not rocket science, guys! The whole sky just lit up. Hmmmm, is it somehow possible to get struck by lightning when on the computer? I hope not. I don't want to die, at least not yet anyway. I want to have sex first. Haha. Joking. [[Well, not really but it's not on the top of my list that I want to do before I die.]] Ahhhh, the flash was really close. I wish it wasn't this dark out, I'd go outside. Say "hullo" and stay for a while. Visit. And become friends. Learn to fly. It's possible. I will fly. That's the number one thing on my list. If I learn how to fly, even for just one day. And that's without all this stupid fucking technology, without an airplane. Just me. And my thoughts. Flying. If I could do that for one day, I'd give my life up. But it'd have to be for a full 24-hour period. Nothing less. That babe, that monster lightning bolt looked like it was right OUTSIDE my house. Not far away. So did that one. Oh my! It'd be cool to have wings, damn, I wish I had a set of wings. Wooooooah!!!!! Damn, that was fucking loud. Yes. Storm. Baby, keep on storming. SCHOOL = MONDAY. It keeps coming back to that. Coming back to that. It just keeps coming back to School on Monday. And you know, I can't even say right now, that I hate the people in my school. I don't. I really don't. I'm trying to find the good in people. All people. Well, except the president, cos I don't see much good in him. But yeah, what if we like, we all got along. If we all lived happily and in peace. Like hobbits. They live in peace. Those little folk. I used to wish I was like them. Small, short, un-noticed by the world. But times are different. The times, they are a-changin'. Like Bob Dylan said. And my, my, wasn't he right? Yep. So different. So so so so so different. fred och älska. "peace and love" We could go so far with that saying. If we were to take it literally. =/ To bad we're stupid humans. It's weird, when you haven't talked to one of your good friends in like, forever and you start talking about the weather. Sure, the weather, it's good. Pretty nice. Lovely, actually. But why the weather, Jamie?? See, YOU are stupid. You're just like those stupid bloody humans. Haha. My computer almost forgot how to type. I've been writing this for like an hour, maybe, that's my guess. Anybody still reading? Doubt it, but I don't care. My diary, my life, if you don't like it, why'd you start reading in the first place? Hmmmm...?! Okay. I think that one day, when I'm like 50 to 60 something, I'm going to regret days like these. The ones where I type way way way too much onto the computer. Which in turn, forced Carpel tunnel onto me. Oh well, I won't remember this baby forever. Terrible memory now, it's only going to get worse as I grow older. I have almost two thousand words written. Well, like two hundred short of two thousand. And I don't even remember what I first started writting about. Which I somehow, indeed find that good. I wish I could write something worth-while. Last summer, I was good at that. This summer. Ahhh, let me see, what did I accomplish this year. This seems like a perfect entry to talk about my summer. June: Finished school the 7th, maybe? Haha, I don't even remember which day, but yeah. And then I went on to watching the FIFA World Cup. Of course! And that went until like July 9th, or something so, that first month out I enjoyed watching many, many soccer games. July fifth, got to see Dave Matthews Band with Ryan♥ definitely a highlight. July 3rd to 5th, spent time with the family. July 4th, small family reunion. Boring as fuck cos nobody was insanely awesome except Jeremy, Tommy (not family), and Matt (not family) ; other than that, it was stupid. July 22nd to the 31st or something. Enjoyed a funky trip down to Virginia. Spent a few days in Virginia went to Myrtle Beach, spent a few days there. Missing that place, every second of my effing summer. Another highlight! [woohoo, that makes TWO!]] So yeah. Then, erm, well, August 3rd to 6th, X-Games. Always a highlight. Haha. Erm, June 26th (yes this is a bit out of order, I only just remembered it!) probably have the wrong date but oh well. Isabel's party. Which has remained the only day that I have gotten to see Brianne, Isabel, Lindy, and Amelia out of this whole summer. (Yet I live within walking distance to Lindy...strange...) OOOOOH, and then just recently, August 23rd, getting my wisdom teeth removed. Oh yes. Quite exciting! It fucking hurts to smile. && I like to smile. I'm a smilin' kinda gal. Haha. That was the dumbest thing that I have typed in the past 30 minutes. I wonder, if I ask my teachers this year to call me Parker...I wonder if they'll actually call me Parker. I mean, I'd love to be called Parker. For people to just shout out "Hey Parker!" Instead of "Hey Jamie!" Jamie. It's just so boring. I find it boring. Hmmmm, if your name is Jamie and you're reading this, and you're not me, don't be offended. I think the storm stopped. Shucks. I love those storms. Well, Ummm, it's 10 to midnight. Which means erm....well, I don't know. WHICH MEANS, I have been writing this for more than an hour and 30 minutes. That's saying something. That I'm bored? No. Cos I'm really not bored. I just have nothing better to do than to share most the things in my brain with a bunch of people who have probably stopped reading this by now. && SitDiary better let me post this, cos it will NOT go into my MySpace thing. I don't need my MySpace friends into my mind. Just people I like & don't know. && the storm is back!! yay! I think that's it. Yeah, for now, at least. Oh it's a wonder what you can say! ♥