So today was a really good day in terms of school and my friends there. (Not that anyone gives two shits or will have the time or care to read this anyway) But yeah. Math I got my homework done since I can't take the test yet. In gym Stephanie, Mercedes, and I walked the track. We picked dandelions. I had a whole bouquet to carry around with me all day. : ) I made Branden climb over the fence and pick me a daffodil. I called it "Kat's daffodil" Brandon skipped and went to art. It was terribly sad. In social studies our extra credit is going to be a blast. We have to go to a public place and video tape ourselves asking random passer's by general knowledge questions about American history. Like "how many states are in the United States?" Yeah. Too bad cameras aren't allowed in Walmart. I was pissed to hear that. I was telling Chris my plan to film in there and Mr. M's like "And they don't allow cameras in the mall or Walmart" and Chris is like "There goes Danielle's plan!" Hot darn! Lunch was ok too. Nothing amazing. Everyone was complimenting my outfit and calling me cute all day. *blushes* I stopped counting... However, the one person who I wished would comment or notice or atleast say SOMETHING didn't. I waited all day and all night. I know she's busy. I know she's tired. I wish I wasn't taking it so personally but I miss being beautiful to her. I miss her telling me how gorgeous and amazing and perfect I am. She doesn't do that anymore because I guess I'm not perfect anymore. It makes me really sad. I hate this week. I wish I could erase it from my memory or just d--... Nevermind. Just nevermind. All that matters is anything remotely good that's been happening is made bittersweet because I get home and thinks aren't like they used to be and it hurts like hell. I keep trying to make things better and make her happy and make things work but she's too tired to be happy and too busy to acknoledge things... Too tired to... I shouldn't be complaining. I understand, I understand. I keep telling myself this. It isn't her fault. I need to stop taking it personally. Repeat it again, Dani. The more you repeat it, maybe one of these times it'll sink in. I'm so pathetic. Continueing on with what was good though... I got to read Drummond's part in English. He isn't quite as call a character as Hornbeck but he's definatly quickly becoming my second favorite. I really like Inherit The Wind. Theater Arts is going well. Tomorrow Rachel and I are chilling with Muggy so he can learn his lines. Atleast I won't be home moping. That's a step. Getting a life again is a big step. Maybe then I won't miss her so much. Oil painting my emulation is coming awesome. I'm so proud of it. It actually looks like the painting. I can't wait to take pictures and put them on deviant art. It makes me happy to work on it now. Brandon says it looks awesome. I don't get too many compliments in there since everyone in oil painting is incredible so hearing that made me smile. Brandon is such a sweet heart... To me anyway. Mwaha. I still cherish my little cartoon where he avenged my death. Physics we're doing a research project. I'm doing all the questions. There wasn't another bomb threat. Blah. Enough said. And water colors... I'm so proud of this piece. They keep getting better and better. However, as good as this one is, I'm not letting anyone keep it or put it in a show. Even if I can't give it to her, I atleast want it for myself and memory's sake. So much work has gone into it. So much time and I've been so careful to make everything precise. I painted her lips today and couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss them. Can you paint something like lips better if you've kissed them? I got brave and left the background alone enough to do the lips and some shading on her face. The background is close to finish so now I actually have to paint the girl, that should be the main focal point. I hope I can do her beauty justice. Then yeah, I stayed after for extra math help. I think I get it. Mrs. Griffin is really nice. Sometimes I don't realize teachers are nice. Heh. So yeah... I came home and I slept. That's all I can do and all I want to do. I wish I didn't ever wake up. I hate waking up. I wish I could just keep sleeping but I stop being able to after awhile because I just automatically wake up around 8:00 now only now she's not here and so I look at the clock and start crying and it's pathetic and stupid and bad. I want this week to be over or I want to curl up and die. I feel bitchy and clingy and annoying and ugly and stupid and unworthy and NOT GOOD ENOUGH. That's what I feel now even though I shouldn't and I shouldn't be worrying but I am because I'm going insane because things weren't resolved and it's driving me crazy. I feel so worthless right now. It's sad when I wish the school day was longer just so I wouldn't have to go home and realize it's going to be another night spent alone wallowing in my own misery. So there's my life right now. No one comments. No one really gives a crap. Everyone's too concerned with their own agendas to even realize. Kyle says I "always look so sad" It's nothing new I guess. I wish someone would just take me by the shoulders and make me talk and then tell me I have nothing to worry about but they're sorry anyway. I don't want someone who's just going to roll their eyes. Sometimes friendship is a funny thing. The one person who wouldn't do that is the person who is ultimately making me so upset.