One cannot fathom the horror I've had to endure in the one night induction ceremony into the national honors society. I fear for the next week or so I shall be writing all my entries, requests, replies, eccetera like I have an enormous stick up my ass. After the introduction, two addresses, speeches from the principal, super intendent, principal of the NHS, secretary of the NHS, vice president of the NHS, and treasurer of the NHS, there were also two minute speeches on each of the 33 members getting inducted and a recieving line... But first... Let's be nice for a minute, I figured it was worth starting over with a clean slate. Perhaps the yuppies had changed since highschool. I find myself soon enough sitting at a table alone with my parents and my sister. (Matt didn't bother coming) Minutes later, Emma and her parents sit down. I kind of want to strangle her at times, but figure it's cool enough to be sitting with someone else. Her father and mine go off on a Monty Python schpeel with Kaitlyn bitches about wanting to taste the cake. We have to form a line by table to get to the buffet which is dissapointingly horrible. (Yuppie food, and at $16 a head you'd think it would be delicious-- I ate a bun of bread and butter. The butter was from a packet. I payed $16 for a bun of bread. What the fuck?!) Kaitlyn continues complaining until the cake comes. No surprise, it's that cheap dark chocolate interior with generic white frosting. (Noooo!) I know I shouldn't invest too much hope in a slice of cake, but I really was at that point, so I figure after the 6 or 7 glasses of water I've poured to keep from hacking out my lungs because I forgot my cough drops, I should probably go to the bathroom. Wouldn't you know it, I'm in there a few seconds before the damn ceremony starts. I run back looking like an idiot to speech after speech address after address... Starting to get antsy. The induction speeches for each new member begin. The 6 or 7 cups of water have NOW hit my bladder, only now it would really look rude to leave. So I sit, and the speeches are atleast twice the length they were supposed to be for each person... Person after person. Wouldn't you know, I'm smack dab in the middle and nervous as hell because apparently I've given my sponsor (who's giving my speech) information he can't possably use in mine. Apparently it's supposed to focus on achievements in the past, not your future plans. I'm screwed. I sit with my legs crossed biting my nails listening to the students in school who are some of the most inconsiderate assholes I know get commended and praised for each teeny tiny thing they've done throughout their entire life. I want to make a noose out of my napkin. WHY WHY WHY? I want to scream that they're not fair, kind, or generous individuals. They discriminate and stick up their noses, they're not fair... They're not honest and they certainly don't have good character to everyone. Caroline who made fun of me all through middle school gets up there, her sponsor going on for a good four minutes on how wonderful she is and about every sports recognition possible. (Apparently when you're in NHS you're supposed to do three things: sports, key club, and international club... Oh, and attend church regularly. I do none of the above) I want to get up and scream that she buys all her clothes overpriced from New York City and they look like shit on her. If she's going to buy clothes, atleast make them cute. I want to scream out that she's not kind and talks dirt about tons of people, that she's as bad as any other kid and is one of the many students in our school who slept around with a premiscuous older boyfriend and got herpes. Yes, I look at her and it's all I can see. But of course, they clap and I'm jolted back to the bathroom problem at hand. Finally, they call me up with Ryan (my sponsor who's also in drama club) and Kelly (will most likely be valedictorian of our graduating class- Ryan's other canidate) Kelly's speech is lovely. Ryan goes on about all her academic achievements and how amazing and fit for this position she is. He has to make mine up because I'm an idiot and didn't get it to him sooner then today, but for that matter, with the wrong information, I expect hell. Ryan comes through- A relief since he knows what plays I've been in. He's eloquent enough to make my future aspirations fit into the speech without me looking like I've done nothing to deserve this. (Who knows- Maybe I'm not deserving) I get my certifacate, candle, and scroll, then stand for the next half hour (unable to cross my legs) counting down speech after speech of the same bullshit. Finally, when you think it's over, it's recieving line time. This means we all stand stiff and smiling as each parent and unknown relative goes by and shakes your hand. Kaitlyn and my dad snuck out before I even recieved my scroll. My mom goes off to talk to Sue. I'm trying my best to smile as hand after hand of people who don't give two shits go by with their forced tight smiles and touch of your hand like you might have malaria going "nnnn...congratulations...yeah" Some remember names, which is nice. One woman shakes my hand so hard I fear it'll fall off and tells me I should stick with theater and that she wanted to make it her profession and didn't and regretted it later in life. It was the nicest thing anyone said to me all evening and I have no idea who the woman was. The rest were tight-assed yuppie parents and the graduating seniors who could care less. (Catherine Federo-bitch's attitude made me want to slap her clear across the face... Slut.) Finally, it ends and I go to the bathroom longer then I think I ever have in my life. I hack my brains out and come back to Sue commending my art work and telling me it's a great portrayal of Michael Jackson. I want to cry or gouge her eyes out. Allison goes "No mom, it's supposed to be Danielle" I want to cry all the more "It's not supposed to be either" "Oh...Well... I see you're going to Oswego this summer. Are you planning to go there?" "Well-" "-It's a wonderful school. Your mother and I went there. You'll like it after you see it." "Actually I want to go to Chicago..." "Oh, a city girl... Well... Hopefully you'll like Oswego and want to go there after you see it" On that alone, I have no intention of going there. I want to get as far away from these people as possable. Ryan hugs me and congratulates me. I apologize for not giving him correct information. He doesn't seem to mind. Relief. Thank God for Ryan. Then it's the car ride home with just Mom. I'm pissed at her for suggesting again for the second time this week (and it's only Monday) that I go and visit the neighbors son incase he's cute and is looking for a girlfriend. I tell her I have a girlfriend myself and don't believe in cheating on people. She says "Well, you're bisexual so you can have a boyfriend or a girlfriend" I say something to the effect that that's not fair to the emotions of the person I'm dating and that I'd never do that to her when I expect the same in return. It would be heartless and the only bisexual people who have both a boyfriend and a girlfriend are just doing it for attention and are whores anyway. My mom is whining saying they're not whores. It went on and so now on the ride home, I'm replaying it and just getting more and more pissed. I have morals and values and I'm damn happy with who I'm with right now so why the hell would I get a boyfriend on a whim? I don't even really like boys! --Not that I'd get a girlfriend either, mind you. A person says taken meaning they're in a serious relationship. I hate that she can't just accept me happy. No, she still thinks this is me doing it for attention. I get home, change out of my dress that I treasured so much and hoped someone would compliment me on or tie into the fact that I want to do makeup and costume design. (Yeah right) and write Mom a long note thanking her for staying for me ceremony, telling her I love her very much and don't love Kat more then her, that one is generally inlove with their significant other and loves their family. I explain how offended the bisexuality comments were and that if she wants to honor my happiness and my moral values that she should stop trying to get me to cheat on someone I love and realize that long distance or not, I made a committment and girl or boy, I stick to my committments because I believe in loving a person for who they are. She read it, came in and hugged me for awhile, and wrote me a note in return. I hope this one sticks with her for awhile. It was all building up again. I don't know what it's going to take for her to see that this is reality, whether she likes it or not. So sorry for the bitch fest, kids. That was my entire evening though. I'm starving now but probably shouldn't eat since it's 10:30 and 1. food keeps me up when I eat this late 2. you can't burn off as many calories when you're sleeping. Besides, I've drinken all sugary fluids today or milk, it's not good to eat even more. Ugh. I'm sorry again for continueing to bitch, though I hope my entry has been slightly humorous at some points, as it was designed to be. (Mind you, all of it is true, I'm just writing with a very sarcastic edge right now) --And Matthew just ran out of the bathroom butt naked! (That's true as well... Ew.) Honestly though, here comes my tone of seriousness, I kept wanting someone there all evening to hold my hand under the table and hug me and kiss my cheek when it was all over and tell me they understood I was upset but was proud and happy for me nevertheless and that I deserved NHS whether I play sports and particapate in key club or not. I wanted them to make silly faces at me when I looked nervous so I'd crack one smile and tell me my dress was beautiful. I wanted a picture with my certifacate in one hand and her's in the other... I wanted my Kat to be there more then anyone else... In that empty seat at our table. Sometimes I just want someone to look at me and feel proud of what I am and what I'll become and that's exactly what she does and why I love her so damn much. It should have been a great night for me, but it wasn't and that's not her fault. It's every person who couldn't crack a genuine smile or say the truth about themselves. It's to every lier and every kid there who pissed and moaned about going to church every Sunday... Hypocrites truly make me miserable... Myself included. So yes, at the end of the night, I'll replay it all in my mind... Only this time, it'll be the best night of my life. This time Kat will be sitting next to me holding for hand tight and tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear before I go up. She'll be at the end of the recieving line with an endless hug just for me and an "I love you, Dani" She'll make sure I know I didn't look like a complete idiot and that if I did, I'm her idiot. In my dreams, my Mom will drive us back to my house and I'll we'll curl up on eachother's shoulders in the back seat on the way. I just need to imagine this for a little while longer so that tonight feels better for me. Deep down I know if she could have, she would have done all these pretty things and more. That's why imagining it is enough. Tomorrow I'll pick some flowers and make her a bouquet for her play and take pictures of it. She deserves the same support in return. I wish I could have been at AG highschool as well. At the end of the ceremony, I blew out my candle, wishing it was a birthday candle so I could make a wish... I made one anyway. With someone so beautiful in my life, I'll never stop wishing and hoping on everything there is. And someday, sooner or later, I'll wish on the right thing and it'll finally come true.