It's been a pretty long time that I remember I've been able to just jump online, log on to this site and allow my consumed feelings to flow from beyond my mind, through my arms, trickling off on to every key the tips of my fingers push to formulate what we call on here an entry. So at this givent moment, that's exactly what I'm doing while noticingly speaking the words out loud to myself, lol. Of late I've had what for me is a rough week.. rough constituting not knowing where my mind is at. Last weekend to this day, I got a text from my sister saying an uncle had died.. my moms brother in fact. And not only more than two months ago did my other uncle from my moms side pass away - he visited here last year for my moms funeral. I was pretty shocked.. and I kind of became aware a couple days afterwards that my vulnerable state was arised from the fact I've lost 3 people dear to me (one more so) within the least 6 months. Then having what I would call a nightmare of losing someone close to me didn't help much either as the affect of this dream stayed with me for a few days after. Then I started to have feelings for a girl I know; I didn't even know why as I had never really thought that much about her in that way. So I knew I had to drop these feelings as it wasn't possible for anything to happen, but having done so, only the day after was I feeling scared that I would lose this girl.. and her friendship. I thought to myself... if I lose her friendship, maybe I just shouldn't care. Out of everyone I've lost so far.. whether physically or emotionally.. would another person really make a difference. I don't know what will happen, but I will forget about the not caring attitude. What will be will be, right?! So now I move on somewhat. Preparing myself for the week ahead with my mind still weary of my hearts vulnerability, but I guess we can only take so much at a time. Me being me though.. I take too much too soon and then get messed up like an overdose of anything would. I guess that's it. Smile :-)