It's half way through my summer vacation and not much has changed in my mind, heart or schedule. I had hoped to find a job and thus far no luck, but I've decided to end my quest for that as I'm blessed enough right now to get by - and keep busy - so I guess in this instance I'll rest on my laurels. I had wanted to find a place also where I could volunteer my time to help others, but that action had bared no fruit beyond googling local places to see where I could volunteer. Personally, I'm not that keen on conforming to organisations that have a whole process for you to volunteer... but I am keen on hospitals as their process is different; yet saying all that, I'm still holding back for the moment. I've been getting back my university results one by one and thus far I've passed them all and await one more to see whether I pass on to my final year without need to resit any exams or such. I've even received a grant to help me out financially in the next year and that I will put away safely for when needed. Sometimes I just can't help but feel blessed and I don't know why. I've barely done anything this summer and I feel I am wasting my time. I had a feeling one day that much like anything I do in life, I will leave it all till it's too late so when I eventually do get down to it, by the time it's supposed to all be completed and successful, I will have missed that point and still be trying to put on the finishing touches - an average performance and finish yet again! Regardless though I guess, I still eagerly await the start of my final university year because I feel life is really starting for me as I can feel the larger pieces of my future fitting together. A year later I hope to be starting what I feel I'm meant to do and I try to imagine what if I really do. I had been living my life for my mom and now with all that I've learnt, it's time to take those lessons out into the World. Though what a challenge life will give me if I find out I've been doing the wrong puzzle. People say 'your mom would be proud of you' but I can't see what for; then again, I often have been modest in knowing that what ever I do is in fact nothing at all really. I guess just to eventually see my mom again is all that I await the rest of my life for - at least, that's what I can't help but feel at times.