That was both confusing and inlightening. First off, I hope to whatever higher power, assumingly God, that you understand what you replied to me... because parts are still a little hazy to me. I ever read it outloud to my best friend who has gotten me through everything and she couldn't help but laugh at parts of it... espeically the bit about that just being the way of guys, letting you down and all. Second, I'm sorry about your mum. I've lost..
a lot of family members in my childhood and it hurt like hell, but never as much as losing William, that was his name by the way. I want to believe in things and have hope and faith, but I can't find it. In university, religion, sports, anything. I'm sorry this probably doesn't help you in such a mission as helping me out to be more optimistic and shite, but what I say is the trught and that's all I can tell you.
Oh and I read over the heart post again... and I noticed that you contradicted yourself in it. You say that your heart needs light and water (in comparision to a flower), but then go on to say to keep it well hidden until the right hands / person finds it? How can both be possible to keep your heart in a good place to be worth finding by someone else?
Oh, I get it now. It's not so much contradictory as it layers itself. Like you nurture the flower, so to speak, all the while the bulb and roots stay hidden. Definately on track with you now.
And, yeah, we were pretty serious about everything. We had dated for about three years... then got engaged a few months before he died. I, to this day, have a phobia of motorcycles... PTSD and all. I spent my senior year in high school in a haze.
I wanted out of there so bad, because if anyone asked me about it I broke down again. If a guy asked me out, I Fruedian slipped that I was with someone. I more or less shut mself off from the world. Didn't evev directly apply to uni as was the original plan. I spent a year just thinking about it and blaming myself.
I don't even know why I'm telling you this. But it does feel nice to keep getting it out I must say.
And, sure, yes, I would like to keep talking to you on here. Actually, even better... do you have a myspace? Easier communication on there. If not, the offer still stands.
SO, where exactly are you from?