These last few days I haven't been my usual self - what ever that is - and I'm not all too sure why that is, though I do have an idea. I think it began with my mom. I took the time to realise I wasn't really thinking of her anymore, mainly in the way that I was no longer allowing my own life to be led by the memory of her suffering; that I guess in some sense, I was being complacent again. I really started to miss my mom and miss her physical presence - of late, my heart has begun to weep. It's been said that if you could know how your life would turn out, where would be the fun to be had and what worth would there be to continue on living. Such is how much I think, I can't see life changing much for me in the sense of what I always knew. The choices I keep believing I can have and will be alright, life never fails to turn around in my heart and say, "no sorry, it's not alright" - you can't have them choices. While I know this is only something I will endure for a few days or more, for today I can only say, "I don't know what life is anymore". In my heart, the days feel dark and there I sit on the edge of a rooftop, peering down on the World below. Sometimes loneliness is my solace as it seems better when no one becomes attached - "better for whom", I ask. - Resemblance - 'He continued to fight with the understanding of whether he was making the right choice or not. When it felt like a harsh truth had to be revealed, it made him believe that not saying anything at all was instead the right decision, but this decision would only ever act to push away those he truly cared about. Truth is feared both ways, but what is the bigger sacrifice he asks; pushing away the one you care about, or letting them see you in a worse light for lack of their understanding. He sometimes thinks the real sacrifice is having to choose at all'. Have I told you I ache ...for you.