i'm tired of making the effort its like if i'm not trying my hardest or i'm not taking the initiative then i'm forgotten at least lately this year is having its up and downs i think its at its lowest right now not having any friends to hang out with on the weekends is pretty much the lowest point i enjoy all aspects of the rain but i still have no one to share it with then i wonder what can i fix about myself so i won't have to find a new friend every couple of months. i don't want to just have a lot of friends or know a lot of people i want to have friends who mean something to me and who i mean something to i want there to be a deeper relationship but i don't know if highschoolers are even capable of that kind of friendship/relationship. if i started over somewhere new maybe i'd find something real.