I've steadily been drinking more and more. Noone notices, of course, because i'm permitted it in moderation at home. And i only get it at dad's if i'm staying the night, and even then it's only a couple of cans of lager. But noone knows just how much alcohol goes into my body. Hell, i've lost track of how much. All i know is, alcohol makes the pain go away. Makes me forget. And i've a lot of pain i need gone, and a lot of memories i don't wanna remember. Maybe alcohol isn't the right way to go, but i've tried a lot of other things. I've tried various religions, without family or friends finding out, and none of them have provided me with anything. Religion sucks. Alcohol=God. I've spent a long time thinking about it all now, and i've come to the conclusion that 'love' is fake. Love is always considered good and pure and innocent and all that bullshit. But it always causes people pain. How can something so good cause so much pain to so many people? Seriously. Love fucks people up so much. If the pain i feel right now is what it means to be human, then what is the benefit of being one?