prayer_changes_1987: hello? Joseph Skorick: hello prayer_changes_1987: what did you want? prayer_changes_1987: ? Joseph Skorick: just kinda got into the middle of that conversation, sorry, but i was wondering how this all got started, i mean the cutting and the pills? prayer_changes_1987: Ah prayer_changes_1987: suicide Joseph Skorick: no you don't want to die, you just want the pain to go away, and it seems the only route. am i right or wrong? prayer_changes_1987: right prayer_changes_1987: I am just so damn tired of fighting Joseph Skorick: yeah i hear ya, i've been there, nothin goes right, ever, and the pain inside just won't go away no matter how much you pray or who prays for you or over you prayer_changes_1987: I am tired of fighting these diseases prayer_changes_1987: i am tired of hurting prayer_changes_1987: it should be over soon Joseph Skorick: yeah it should, but not by pills or cutting or anything else that can harm you bodily. Joseph Skorick: are you familiar with the word prayer_changes_1987: what word? prayer_changes_1987: the bible? Joseph Skorick: sorry, yeah the bible prayer_changes_1987: I pretty much have it memorized prayer_changes_1987: I was a devout christian Joseph Skorick: sounds like you have the same problem i have alot of times, i read, i know it by heart, but the words just don't touch me like they used to Joseph Skorick: what happened that made you turn from God? prayer_changes_1987: i knew that life would be hard after i accepted jesus, but damn, everything went wrong all at once prayer_changes_1987: I have always suffered from anorexia and bulimia and self injury prayer_changes_1987: but the new stuff just made all of this unbearable Joseph Skorick: yeah i hear ya, it's like the devil hits us every which way he can, it stinks, i know, been there a few times, been tested and failed Joseph Skorick: what new stuff prayer_changes_1987: my mom and stepdad got into some relationship problems and he got us evicted Joseph Skorick: ouch prayer_changes_1987: my brothers' and sister were taked by social services and i was faced with homelessness Joseph Skorick: your 18 huh prayer_changes_1987: 17 Joseph Skorick: where do you live prayer_changes_1987: north carolina prayer_changes_1987: I tried to call my boyfriend but he is iggying me Joseph Skorick: ouch Joseph Skorick: what about grandpa and gramma prayer_changes_1987: they don't exist Joseph Skorick: sorry prayer_changes_1987: no big prayer_changes_1987: im used to the pain Joseph Skorick: yeah it get's numbing sometimes prayer_changes_1987: exactly prayer_changes_1987: ugh my stomach hurts Joseph Skorick: it's like a constant pain in your chest, won't go away, i know, it hurts really really bad Joseph Skorick: ok you beleive in God, Jesus, that he can heal right? prayer_changes_1987: Yes prayer_changes_1987: I have prayed for ages for deliverance and so far the answer has been no Joseph Skorick: i've done the pill thing myself, so i know where your at right now. I have been from everything from self inflicted pain to drugs, just about everything. Joseph Skorick: do you go to a church down there? prayer_changes_1987: I used to prayer_changes_1987: used to be the "Perfect christian" in the churches eyes prayer_changes_1987: i have to go... prayer_changes_1987: i'm very tired Joseph Skorick: yeah gotcha, but behind closed doors different thing. hey um stay awake for a little while for me k Joseph Skorick: go a phone book handy? Joseph Skorick: got a phone book handy? prayer_changes_1987: yea prayer_changes_1987: y? Joseph Skorick: ok look under churches prayer_changes_1987: why? Joseph Skorick: i'd like you to make a couple calls for me prayer_changes_1987: there are no churches open at this time of night prayer_changes_1987: or there is no one there Joseph Skorick: i know, but they do have numbers for pastors, some might be in late, or they might have their home phones listed Joseph Skorick: pentacostal churches if there is any prayer_changes_1987: it is 2am Joseph Skorick: never to late in Gods eyes, no matter the time or the circumstances prayer_changes_1987: i can't that is rude prayer_changes_1987: please i am so tired... prayer_changes_1987: are we done? Joseph Skorick: i know you are, but this is gonna sound wierd, but as your Christain brother, i love you and i want to see you through this. prayer_changes_1987: I used to do this for everyone else.. hold on a sec, i feel really sick Joseph Skorick: alright Joseph Skorick has signed back in. (12/22/2005 1:32 AM) prayer_changes_1987: okay Joseph Skorick: wb prayer_changes_1987: sorry Joseph Skorick: it's ok Joseph Skorick: i understand prayer_changes_1987: i had to puke, well you prolly didn' need to hear that Joseph Skorick: naw it's all good Joseph Skorick: what kinda church did you used to go to prayer_changes_1987: southern baptist Joseph Skorick: pretty strict huh prayer_changes_1987: you have no idea Joseph Skorick: oh beleive me i do. lol prayer_changes_1987: ha ha Joseph Skorick: yeah i know huh Joseph Skorick: i mean they make it sound like the bible is full of don'ts ya know prayer_changes_1987: hey i'm gonna go get a blanket, i feel like an ice cube Joseph Skorick: lol yeah somethin like juice would help too though prayer_changes_1987: okay i'm back Joseph Skorick: wb prayer_changes_1987: i have a question... Joseph Skorick: go ahead prayer_changes_1987: what will 18 loracets do to your stomach? prayer_changes_1987: that is if it doesn't kill you Joseph Skorick: lemme check prayer_changes_1987: ?? Joseph Skorick: med guide prayer_changes_1987: oh prayer_changes_1987: i see prayer_changes_1987: *Yawns loadly* Joseph Skorick: i know i know prayer_changes_1987: why are u doin this? prayer_changes_1987: u must b tired Joseph Skorick: no just a little, but hey your worth it prayer_changes_1987: u don' evn know me Joseph Skorick: no but iv'e been there, and now i am here for you prayer_changes_1987: i just feel lke i don' belng here anymre Joseph Skorick: i know, but you do, God has some serious plans for you coming up, it's rough waiting, but beleive me it's worth it. it's tough i now cause i have no patience either. prayer_changes_1987: i was suppose to go to kenya Joseph Skorick: yeah? awesome, missionary work? prayer_changes_1987: uh huh Joseph Skorick: OVERDOSE: If overdose is suspected, contact your local poison control center or emergency room immediately. US residents can call the US national poison hotline at 1-800-222-1222. Canadian residents should call their local poison control center directly. Symptoms of overdose may include: vomiting, slow breathing, slow heartbeat, cold/clammy skin, unusual sweating, loss of consciousness, severe nausea, yellowing eyes or skin, dark urine, extreme fatigue, stomach pain Joseph Skorick: this is what i found on OD Joseph Skorick: missionary work is awesome, i had a friend who went to Mexico prayer_changes_1987: vomiting, slow breathing,cold/clammy skinstomach pain prayer_changes_1987: is it bad tha i have those? Joseph Skorick: you'll be ok, but you do need to drink some fluids, juice, water, anything other than alcohol prayer_changes_1987: lol Joseph Skorick: yeah i know Joseph Skorick: lol Joseph Skorick: beer may be closer, but less effective. lol prayer_changes_1987: haha im a vodka gurlmyself Joseph Skorick: gotcha, whiskey here, but i do my best not to drink, i don't act very Christianlike when i drink. Joseph Skorick: cool prayer_changes_1987: gotta love jack Joseph Skorick: yeah that is my poison prayer_changes_1987: I love rum and coke Joseph Skorick: where do you live in NC prayer_changes_1987: rockingham Joseph Skorick: yeah jack and coke is my thing, when i drink prayer_changes_1987: where do you live? Joseph Skorick: where is that? prayer_changes_1987: near the sc border Joseph Skorick: North Dakota, used to live in Phoenix, AZ. I got a cousin down in Jacksonville prayer_changes_1987: oh prayer_changes_1987: i used to live in PA Joseph Skorick: how did ya like that? prayer_changes_1987: i dunno i left when i was around 13 prayer_changes_1987: i don't remember much Joseph Skorick: gotcha prayer_changes_1987: it's different prayer_changes_1987: bible belt Joseph Skorick: nice beaches i hear though prayer_changes_1987: that is SC myrtle beach yea it's nice Joseph Skorick: cool Joseph Skorick: i was supposed to come down there this winter and work w/t my cousin Joseph Skorick: he works for a bigtime rancher down there prayer_changes_1987: kool prayer_changes_1987: i have another question Joseph Skorick: ok shoot prayer_changes_1987: if i promise to be alive tomorrow, will you let me go to sleep? Joseph Skorick: lol only if you promise to be alive tomarrow Joseph Skorick: do you still read your bible at all? prayer_changes_1987: I promise i'll be alive, i'll im you to prove it prayer_changes_1987: sometimes Joseph Skorick: cool Joseph Skorick: try doin some reading tonight, if can stay awake that long. read some of the psalms, they help me sometimes when i am down and depressed prayer_changes_1987: By the way, my name is kayla Joseph Skorick: I am Joe, nice to meet ya Kayla prayer_changes_1987: I figured as much Joseph Skorick: lol prayer_changes_1987: the name i mean Joseph Skorick: yeah i know.lol it's all good prayer_changes_1987: kinda odd, i didn't think to give my name Joseph Skorick: i kinda figured it when it poped up Kayla Florence when you im'ed me prayer_changes_1987: go to Mydeardiary.com Joseph Skorick: yeah? prayer_changes_1987: then look up the author-livelifebyfaith prayer_changes_1987: that's my diary prayer_changes_1987: i put this conversaition in there prayer_changes_1987: i want you to read it Joseph Skorick: awesome prayer_changes_1987: it'll fill in alot of blanks Joseph Skorick: I am really glad we got to talk tonight Kayla, i hope maybe i can keep being there for you. prayer_changes_1987: thanks, im gonna go b4 i pass out prayer_changes_1987: ttyl Joseph Skorick: ttyl, take care and Im me tomarrow, k prayer_changes_1987: k Joseph Skorick: goodnight Kayla, thanks for talkin with me prayer_changes_1987: night god bless Joseph Skorick: God bless An IM between me and someone i met in a chatroom, he's a good guy Kayla