REMEMBER, THIS IS MY DIARY, I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING I WRITE, OR ANSWER TO ANYONE. I HAVE BEEN ANOREXIC AND BULIMIC FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS. I HAVE BEEN A SELF MUTILATOR FOR ALMOST 5. I AM CURRENTLY IN "RECOVERY" I HAVE A VERY FRAGILE IMAGE OF MYSELF SO PLEASE BE GENTLE WHEN LEAVING COMMENTS. IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN WHERE I AM, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN AND THE SUFFERING AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO TRY TO CHANGE. DO NOT ASK ME HOW TO BECOME ANA OR MIA. IT ISN'T FUNNY AND IT ISN'T GLAMOROUS. IT ISN'T JUST A QUICK WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT EITHER. IT IS A DISEASE AND IT WILL SLOWLY DESTROY YOUR LIFE. I DON'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE! I HAVE PUT A DISCLAIMER ON HERE, DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING YOU READ HERE. DO NOT SEND ME HATE MAIL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU READ HERE, THEN LEAVE. THIS ISN'T A PRO ED DIARY. BUT I DO HAVE AN ED. SO DON'T BASH ME, I AM TRYING. IT IS YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE, DO NOT BLAME ME OR MY DIARY FOR ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. Hey Ya'll what's up? Not much here. I decided to go and see the school councelor about SI. I have an appointment tomorrow at 12:30. I am scared to death about it though. it is like I am standing on the very edge of this cliff(SI is the cliff) and as soon as I go to that meeting I am going to jump off(or be pushed off) I don't exactly what to expect. I don't know whether I am going to spread wings and soar, or if i am going to crash and burn. All I know is that nothing is going to be the same for me after tomorrow afternoon. I am scared and anxious. But there is something else there as well... Hope. I hope that this is the right thing to do. I hope that this is the beginning of the end-that I can finally put this behind me and allow the change that I so desperately need. I just hope that this time is the right time, that this is the time that will be different, that this will allow me to be free. Kayla