Hey Ya'll what's up? I have been doing ALOT of stuff lately. I hate hate hate hate this shit! i am so sick and tired of dancing like a damn puppet for everyone! I am tired of saying yes sir and no maam! GRRRR! I am so tired of pretending to be happy all the time but I am so terrified to let everything go!! I Decided it was time to stop playing games, I told my mom everything. That was a huge mistake. She is the perfect example of how people dismiss, attack and/or ignore what they don't understand. I was just completely floored with the reaction I got! She attacked me! (verbally) But she basically said that I was craazy and that she didn't know how she could have possibly raised me to be this way. I asked her to just talk to me like I was human and not some frieking Virus that had to beIsolated and ignored! She said that she refused to talk to someone like me. I was angry and hurt and i just blew up! Tears falling and everything I screamed at her. What the hell do you mean someone like me? She said a freak that cuts and starves herself! You aren't my daughter! and as soon as you turn 18 I am FINISHED with you. if you want to kill yourself then go ahead but do not come complaining to me. I am about to go crazy!!! My mom and step-dad are arguing again. It is like living in the middle of a war zone! It is just full of yelling and screaming. They both keep trying to get me to "Help" them with their arguments. I just want to riding go and scream. I can't leave the house hardly because I have mede myself a Loner to the point people don't really bother talking to me. The only way I have to escape is to go to church. It helps alot. I try really hard to be a good christian, but the stress is really intense. Mia is back in full fury. I didn't eat anything yesterday or today, and I ate a little bit at church just b/c everyone was bugging me to, I didn't mean to but I purged. didn't try to I didn't make myself it just happened. I feel bad about purging and I feel bad about not purging and I am just torn. I love my mom but I really just can't take all of this damn fighting. I am getting really bad headaches again. About 3 a day now. It is like a migrane but it isn't at the same time. I don't know. I JUST WANT A WAY OUT! i AM SO STRESSED! I am cutting again now, I hadn't for a month and and now it is catching up with me. I just want it all to stop. Mia gives me a way out. I love her soooo much! but I am trying so hard not to give in!! I am just so, AHHHHHHHHHHHH <

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