To rouse to the same repeated forlorn tendency is truly demoralizing although it surely makes one think about its morale. It's living day to day, but not looking forward to tomorrow. It's how I've been making these past days run away swiftly. It's like trying to look out at a beautiful horizon of Irish farmland but finding out an indestructible wall is blocking the view. Then the only conciliation is to dream, knowing that these dreams are just defending warriors against insanity and ceding life. At this point, anticipation and curiosity is the only hope that i will meet the future and that it will be nice and blissful. One more wish would be to have complete control over my decisions. Even if its unattainable, I will use the sword that held me in reserve at the present time to keep my head over the others trying to overrule me.