okay, these are matters from which i am upmost ashamed. i lie. i know, there's no angels on this earth, or perfection that is free of lies. it became a normalcy nowadays to let out little white lies, however, i realized that lately, i've been doing so in an overly abusive way. this habit has become too common, too repetitive...too easy, and i can't keep up with it. actually to be quite honest, i don’t want to. i want friends that i don’t feel as if i was unusual, or too ordinary. sometimes i wish i was the person who fitted my stereotype. things would be so easy. i wouldn’t have the urge to scream inside, tear my guts out, and drown myself under oceans of false pretenses whilst losing myself in the process...i should stop before i lose fragments of myself to the disappearing horizon. i don’t know why i can’t tell people that they’re wrong about me, and that all i want to do is please their assumptions. oh but i do know, i’m a hypocrite! it simply makes me unhappy to disappoint them and that’s enough to make me do stupid things. too many time have i reached my limits for others and received not only a slap in the face, but generous amounts of stabs in my heart! what can i say!? i’m a martyr of this cut throat society ;-). i always wanted to stop this virus that got me lying but i can’t even bear myself, how do people think i can bear them without a lie? regardless of how much i can blame my trusted associates, the blame is not all on them. my life would be easy if i wasn’t so much of a hypocrite. i do make a lot of pointless sacrifices for people, however those wouldn’t be gratifying without their acceptance of my lies, thus introducing my next major point. in every lie there’s a little truth and this truth is that i’m deadly afraid of rejection. perhaps more than i should be. for years i’ve been disappointed by family. too many times, i thought of them as my support only to find out i was standing on thin air....by myself. way too many people of trust led me to fall into these graves of depression, places of worthlessness. tears crystalized my eyes then but they shall not again and i lie, and lie to relieve that pain. only letting out little hints of myself to be destroyed and played about without causing me great pain. don’t get the wrong idea, there’s still no reason to lie but if only being sincere was as easy as lying maybe people wouldn’t lead double lives. no worries, i have always been sincere here.