it seems that i'm living these days with no aspirations. i know part of me is seeking, but i don't know if i'm searching for the meaning of life or just a reason to live. i don't know what i want to do. i don't even know if it's for me to choose. i don't know why i keep thinking. i don't know what god is thinking. i don't know if the simple fact of me being here changed anything in this world. i don't know if i was supposed to act differently. i don't know if i'm courageous, if i'm scared, or if i'm indifferent. i don't know if i'll ever affect something. i don't know if i care enough to find out. i don't know what awaits me in the future and i don't know if i really want to know. i don't know if i'll feel good about what i do. i don't know if i talk too much or not enough. i don't know if my lips are appealing. i don't know if breathing in is more beneficial than breathing out. i don't know if exercising will make me feel better. i don't even know if i want to go through all this trouble. i don't know what will anger me more, disappointing myself or letting myself being disappointed by others. i don't know if i can still make a perfect cartwheel. i don't know if i appreciate the company of others. i don't know if can maintain a relationship with anyone. i don't know what would've happened if my life turned out differently. i don't know if i'd prefer this life over another. i don't know what i want. i don't know even know if any of this matters. i don't know if time is going forward or backward, neither do you actually and i don't know if that bothers you. i don't know why i have so many questions. i don't know why i get no answers. i don't know if that should bother me. i don't know if i can go on like this. you know as if i'm lost these days. i don't know why you'd know and i don't know why i don't know. happy new year!