because the nights are long this time of year. and also because i feel so alone—since i don't deal with rejection very well and i don't appreciate the "privilege" of being used. no matter how often i reach the bottom, it seems i can't get over the taste of the ground. i always find new bottoms to lie, asleep in comfortable self-pity, living in a rut with my faeces. yeah, happy new year diary-a.