i loathe not knowing why i'm feeling sad and lonely lately whilst listening to music that remind me people that probably forgot i exist. in my mind i remember their smiles like a movie trailer showcasing the best moments of my past and i get that inner joy that i could never bring to myself alone. the weird thing is that i'm not complaining about where i'm at right now. i just believe that it's hard for me to admit that i am happy without them and it breaks my heart to say so. from my perspective, they're symbols of my happiness and i feel that if i deserve to be happy they also do. i dislike the sensation that deep down inside, i'm skeptical that they feel the same way. i'm afraid that they won't admit that they are also happy not because of me but simply because it would seem unreal to them. you see, they are the ones who put aside their "superficial" dreams for a thoughtful purpose thus, i suppose, creating a path to their imminent regret. i could be wrong, i'm just afraid that somehow i could be right. the worst outcome to me would be that these people think the same about me and that thought is enough to torment me the way i've been lately. "flipping through weathered photo albums [...]" - .44 caliber love letter by alexisonfire