if i could freeze my life to this moment i'd still feel unfulfilled. even after all the stress, the pointless self discoveries and the bad luck of the past few weeks; i just want to cry. if i could do it all again, i wouldn't. i look back at my life and seriously, i need a kick in the ass. something to de-click this catch 22 behaviour i keep complaining about years after year on this diary. i know i shouldn't beat myself up but, fuck, i'm a failure. you should just stop reading and move on with your life, because mine's at a stand still. and it seems no matter how much i want it to move forward, the effort to achieve such ventures is holding me back from my full potential. maybe seeing it written down instead of keeping it lingering in my mind will help me create my dreams. that is all, goodnight.