i walked, and i walked. the tears would come eventually i said to myself, i can't keep suppressing myself at the expense of others. yet, this time i must. when friendship is at stake and there isn't much of it around, one must be careful. to fall or not to fall; the answer has always been not to do so. can i do it all again and shut myself up? can i sincerely be happy for them, keep a straight face, knowing that somewhere in me, i hoped it would be me smiling in his arms? i don't know about sincerity since i've long lost the meaning, but i've mastered shutting myself up. i'm lazy therefore, i can't walk towards sincerity so i took the easiest road and went towards the top of mont-royal—there i cried alone.