"The heart has its reasons in which reason knows nothing" -Blaise Pascal I know that I have not written in a while.. but this confession will mean more because I can still smell him on my skin. If you read this before you know that I'm talking about Jacob; the love of my life and so much more. In our weakest moments.. nothing else matters. Not his girlfriend.. not my boyfriend. This morning I woke up in his arms.. and I never want to leave. First loves are never really over. I don't think that I can handle all of this. Not again.. Its always perfect until reality sets in. He tells me to be selfish. "Why did you ever let me leave you.. I wouldn't have met her. None of this would have happened. It would be you. Forever." "I just wanted.. want you to be happy. Whatever that means." (cue tears... lots and lots of tears) "But I was happy.. and I am now.. but its not the same. I will always love you (I finish for him- "but not enough.") I love her now. (cue heart being ripped out) Now its over.. but it just started. And I am awake in the infinite cold.