Her voice is projecting the lyrics through my house, 'Did you write the book of love and do you have faith in God above, if the bible tells you so, and do you believe in rock n' roll, can music save your mortal soul and can you teach me how to dance real slow?' She really does sing well. My sister just asked, 'Please be quiet.' And my mom replied, 'I love to sing. You just don't get it. It makes me happy.' And so she continued on. And I'm smiling. I like it. --- She knows what makes her happy. I envy that. I guess as you grow you begin to understand your likes/dislikes better. I've been trying to do just that this entire break. Everyone has this mind set about me that I'm always happy. As if I am emotionless and I never cry. People always tell me they think that of me. I'd agree with them... but I'd be lying to myself. As a matter of fact, I hit a pretty deep low a few days ago. I was angry towards everything. I was far from happy. When no one else knows, my dad seems to be the one who always notices when I'm not doing too well. True- he is usually the one pissing me off. But he kept telling me to smile and be happy and get rid of 'that expression.' Ehhh...It didn't sound so difficult. So i started my search for happiness. --- I was finding goodness all over. Everything just kept progessing. For example... Alone in my room. Just me and my solitude. Listening to Sarah Mclachlan. Candles on my desk. Drawing. Allowing my mind to be expressed through a few colored oil pastels. Peace. At the Ingram Hill concert. Music never fails. It took me away. Good vibes all over. Having a good time with friends. Meeting new people. Nice people. Giving me a better attitude on the world. Not everyone sucks! heh. At Church this morning. Disregarding the depressing sounds of the organ, I felt good. More understanding of my beliefs. Connecting. Actually paying attention to the Father's words. Felt comforted. He said something along the lines of how we are surrounded by uncertainties, but our faith allows us to be certain about God and the afterlife. And how we feel sad and scared, but our faith gives us happiness and comfort in making it through tough times. --- Myself. Self expression. People. Music. Faith. All in all, a pretty succesful search.. heh. It opened my eyes alot. Now don't get me wrong. My search aint over. I think life is just one big search for truth, happiness, and meaning. So i guess I'll just keep finding stuff. And I didn't reach a nirvana or anything. I'm not this totally happy person after a few days of searching. I still feel sad about things. Even right now. But the thing is- I'm focusing on the good. I am happier. And it continues.