We have this new resident at work named Ed. He never says a word to anyone. He just gets real close to you and kind of stares with this odd smile. Today at work (I'm working full-time again, by the way), I saw him coming near me and I tried to say hi to him, not expecting an answer or anything though. I've tried to talk to him plenty of times before. But today was different. He came close to me and pointed to my face. "Blue eyes," he said to me. He smiled and walked away with his harley davidson hat. I thought it was pretty cool. For a man who never says a word to point out my blue eyes makes me feel special, I wont lie. Simplicity amazes me. I've come to a decision on my most favorite song ever composed. The winner is "Have a little faith in me." There is something about it that makes me feel this remarkable thing. It may be it's use in the movies Benny and Joon and Phenomenon. It's just a beautiful song. More importantly, I've come to a decision on the whole ordeal with Randi. Well, I realized that Randi had me, even if i never had him. I was pretty in-over-my-head with him. I don't know how or what he did. But he did it, and I fell for him. Theres been alot of guys who have come into my life throughout my high school days, but Randi made an impact the others didnt. It sucks that the boy that I had to fall this hard for is an immature one who hooks up with my friends and is too much of a baby to talk to me about it. It sucks that I didn't have the reverse effect on him. He wasn't nearly as into me as I was with him- I guess its Newton's law about every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I try to enjoy him, he fucks with my head. So clearly, I've been having a hard time dealing with it this past week. But I've been trained in the coping of shitty boys, and I managed to control the situation. My friends, my art, and my weed are much to thank. I've calmed down alot and realized that even after all of this, I don't want to stop talking to Randi. I don't talk to any of the guys I've ever had something with in the past anymore. That's pathetic. I'm embarrased by that. Just because one thing happens, I shouldn't hide and pretend they don't exist. I'm going to change that with Randi. I'm willing to be mature. I'm willing to be okay with him. OKAY with him. Not anything else. I refuse to have feelings for him anymore. I'm going to try this head over heart thing. I'm not going to like anyone until I have one of those lovely movie moments and a guy does something to make me love them. I think the first guy to give me a movie moment- is the guy I'm going to consider the love of my life. Hah, I'm so hopeless.