'Let be, be the finale of seem.' Ben sent me that text last night, and told me they were famous Wallace Stevens words. I checked the poem out and have been reading Stevens poems all night. Very interesting and quite complex, just like Ben. The Mr. amazes me and I've only known him for a week. He's truly spontaneous, and although a lot of people claim to be that- few really are. I hate that one interruption of getting to know him. That darn interruption being that he lives a distance away. Unfair. But maybe it has it's bizzare purpose. Maybe it's because I need to deal with my Randi issue first. It's one of the most complicated issues I've ever been webbed into. The funny thing is it really doesn't have to be. He just needs to give me a simple answer to my simple question- should I give up on him or does he really want something with me? However, when I got the will to ask him, he decides to give me a crazy answer. You know what he says? I'll tell you what he says. He says I'll know soon if we should be together like in a couple days or weeks. I don't want to sit around and wait when I could spend my time giving love to a deserving other, but I don't want to make the mistake of giving up too early. Because I know.. I'm so certain of this... if me and Randi were to have a relationship- it would be an amazing thing. I just need to know if he wants that. And soon. Not weeks, I prefer days. I've worked all weekend, and had the luck of witnessing the chaos of the Alzheimer's unit. I learned that people with Alzheimers go through a series of memory decays. It takes the most recent memories, then it attacks the oldest memories, and then hits the simplest of memories- like how to walk and talk. I witness people degrading through these steps. It's insane. Mercedes, one of my favorite residents, came to the Manor fully coherent. Today, she thought she was a little kid again. She was calling people 'Mom' and stealing things out of peoples room while humming folk songs. It's depressing to think that soon she will be one of the so-called Alzheimer's Vegetables. It's terrible really. Atleast, they can get the joy of living their childhood memories before they go. Life. Life. Life. I'll never know what to make out of all these events, this abstract knowledge, these songs, these people, this crazy.