Fucking parents. Fucking people. I wish everyone would die.. before I have to kill them. All my life I have been compared to everyone, and all my life i have been sticking up for my friends. All my life I have been ridiculed and bullied and mentally destroyed. I think that my brain exploded with the last scream. My head hurts, and I am sick of living like this. [[Now, don't I sound randy and pathetic?]] I am starting up with a new plan.. to isolate myself completely from people and only converse with them on phone or MSN, because, at this stage in my life, i cannot come close to anyone right now. or anything might i add. I think I will lock myself in my room, comeout only to use the washroom and occasionally beg my heartless mother for money to buy some more books. Yes, yes. That is how I shall live. I don't even know if I want to go to school. I need a goal. A giant goal that I can strive towards, with putting all the energy and pain I, as a human, can/could hold. Which excludes, becoming a lawyer, doctor etc. I do not want a proper proffesion, I want to become senial and die alone, with my 10 cats, and calm old labrador. I am a stupid girl. I hung up the phone on one of the people closest to me, and now I do not find that to have been smart. Yes, sure. I was being totally ignored, as he was with his, friend and I was horribly depressed and wants to talk to him for all hours of the night, but alas, he just had to go on laughing about wanna-be pakis. But whatever I cannot blame him. But I do wish to speak with him, so I say((of course to no one)) Matyr, I be very sorry as to hanging up on you. But I have tryed to drift from you and your friend, but I could not in the end for you two mean so much to me. But now, dear Matyr isn't speaking to me. I hope he is not mad. i am mad at myself. Everyone says it is not my fault but in the end I feel that it is. WEll, in the end, all I can look forward to is returning to that place of preppy-sluts and to the place of academics, and try not to fail while sitting alone in the library, trying to diverge all attention from myself, and trying to maintain a healthy relationship with a pen and paper, or a good book. But in the end, I will try to return to Lisa. WHom of which my mother has banned me from seeing. I lobe you Lisa.