Okay, see, now I feel like I am going to faint. I have spent so much time with people that I don't even... know really. 24 hours with Sarah, Jenna and Geran. I miss Tess, her house is where I belong, because it's one of those pretty California houses where you don't need substances and where you can laugh with your parents and just be happy. I love Geran's house, because I can play with his puppy like it's mine too. And we can play video games and not get tired of life, relax more like. And we can talk to God and be best friends forever with Jack Johnson and our stupid stupid games. God, see now things are getting fucked up. We are so fucked up. Everything's happening in sequence and I'm kind of glad everyone's going back. But you have to think, is that the best thing? TO try and be what we were ALSO KNOWN AS creating this total fiction thats just a LIE. I mean, what are we restorting to now? Is it just the memories? I mean, how do we even.. go back to it? Do we sit in one anothers alleys to get fucking stoned, and that's the only way we can talk again? Do we fucking drink our asses off? Then what? That's all we've resorted to now. I can barely be with people now. All i want in life is: Geran, Tess and I's stupid ravine adventures. California. Kiefer at Muriel. Green Candi Smoke BABY B'n'Coke. RnR. Love Actually. I hate the fact that my house, and everyone elses is this place for Geran to live out his short term fantasies of falling in love in highschool, and being together forever. Fuck. I don't even know what to say anymore. I mean, what if it goes back to some of it? Would we be the sunglass wearing, weed-smoking, wannabe band groupies that don't actually get along, but stick together for the fucking sake of trying to keep some memory alive? I don't know why i'm writing. I don't know what I'm writing. I am Sara Goldfarb in "A Requiem for A Dream" I am Marian Silver and Harold Goldfarb and their stupid dreams of trying to get something from nothing. I'm going to end up losing my arm for this one.