Okay this is later on Friday night, I wrote it down at my house: Well it is now 7 pm. I am so happy about tomorrow! I get to see all my friends from Rites outside of Rites!! I really like Cai. But he's like, I like you a lot but I don't want anything too serious right now...but the problem is..I do. I want someone 2 hold me the way he does. He is SO sweet to me, I love it! But my paranoia is getting the better of me..I am doubting his intentions...sometimes...most of the time, I feel safe and cared for..more than anyone has ever made me feel. And Alex is pissed at me & after this weekend, he prolly won't EVER talk 2 me. This is killing me. I am such a bitch! And my depression is getting the better of me. All day, I have been wanting 2 cry, for NO fucking reason. I was on the bus & I was listening 2 Question! from SOAD & I almost starting to cry. So Brian was like, whats wrong...and I couldn't say anything bc there isn't any real reason.. I wore Alex's shorts Wednesday 2, it was fun. They smeel like him, I love his smell, lol. AAAHHHH!! FUCKER!! I'm prolly not gonna smoke this weekend bc of him... Well I have to go eat & work out then go 2 bed. I can't wait to see Cai! *PZ OUT* Today: wow, Sat was SO much fun! I love you Cai!! :) Okaii, fisrt off, I didn't smoke, okay, I didn't even drink..wait, a few sips of mead and that is it, so yeah... But that is okay, I had a ton of fun...I wasn't doing so good at 1st but then Cai and I went for a walk. I am so glad he went with me, he helped me a ton! We were being eaten alive, lol, it sux, but hey, I told him we could go back, lol. I have a billion bug bites on my left wrist and that is about it, lol...or wait! They might be spider bites!! eww! But yeah, we had a dandilion fight, lmao, that was SO funny! anyways... I had a ton of fun. Cai, thank you..for being you..and being there for me! I love you a ton! See, I do love you, lol. I don't know though...I am so confuzed about somethings...I don't know how I am suppose to feel...I really like him, but I also still like Sarah...I hope she doesn't end up hating me. and I don't want Cai to be like...oh, well she likes some one else...err...I hate my heart...it should die...so I can die... I am gonna go now..see yall later.