I think I love you. But I am scared to say it. I don't want to get hurt. Yeah, I am rather upset/emo today. Whatever...nothing out of the ordinary with me. anyways, how is everyone doing? I hope better than me. Yeah, I am not all that well, I am a bit confuzed really. I really like Cai alot, and whenever I talk to him, it feels like I could talk to him for hours..but then I never really say anything. I loose my train of thought whenever I was around him, I would almost stop thinking when he kissed me. Ahh, his kiss, lol. Okay, this is why I never go in-depth with my feelings bc I will say something, someone will not have the same feelings and they get weirded out or laugh at me..ermm..yeah...I am sure he really likes me and would never hurt me but...I don't know if he wants something serious..well like serious as I want...I don't really mind this but..err, I love the way nhe holds me...he made me feel wanted. And I don't want him to get weirded out by anything, I don't want to push him because I don't want to end up hurting him..I am a bitch, I tend to hurt a ton of people. I don't know...whatever, fuck life... Everyday I wake up..wishing I hadn't...then want to cut bc I did. But that feeling goes away within mintues but all throughout the day I feel like cutting for the past...week. I am such a fuck up...GO ME! ehh, I want to go cut..even when I am happy, whatever. I think I have been depressed enough, so later. Edit: The Killers are awesome! Okay, so forget my last entry. I suck at life, lol, whatever. And I am not a pity whore...I personally don't want ppl to care for me or even think of me..but they do, whatever, their waste of time I guess I am a very self hating person, whatever, been that way since I started cutting. I think I might end up doing it tonight if me and my mom start fighting....if she says anything, I will freak...I am in SUCH a bitchy mood...I can't take this high school bullshit anymore...I hate my school and most people in it... Can't wait till I die..YES! DEATH! It has taken my granfather away from me....and now, I can't wait for it to take me. This (me being depressed) has nothing to do with Cai (hope you know that)..it is just me...being a fucking idiot. And Cai, I am going to try not to swaer so much, lol. YES! I suck at freaking life! I RAWK! Okay, anyways, today was SO boring, I stayed after school with Andy the Family Man...he helps me everyday, if it wasn't for him, I would still be cutting. My friend Jeff brough Vodka to school, lol, he was SO tipsy, lol. It was wicked funny, but ehh, he is a dumb freshman...whatever. Well, I need to get some work done so I don't end up a junior again. See yall laterz! kimmi PS-My brother (Andrew) called me a random pattern the other morning, So I am a random pattern!!! YES!! I love him!