Holy Shit. The stupidest thing has happened, I'm starting to like my effing ex. We don't talk I see him and think he's retarded I really don't know what is happening. Sometimes when Im alone I think about what it would be like if we were still together but that's usually just because Im lonely cause no ones around, but I was with a friend all day and that's all I could think about. We don't talk anymore and it makes things so hard. It's like we are fighting or something and ahh he's online right now, I want to talk to him so bad. I can't though, cause I suck. He's a nice guy, but ultimately everything I hate in music and in a personality, and I know if we ever hooked up again it wouldn't work. But last christmas at this time we kissed for the first time and it was sooo cute and we took things so incredibly slow. Then this year comes and Im doing random drunken makeout sessions ha, and it was what I thought I wanted, single and free. But I want that back, that being super green back ha. Everythings just so screwed. And I had a dream and he was talking to me online saying he missed me and I just want to know how he feels. We were together a long time and when we broke up it didn't affect me but I'm feeling it now. And I've hooked up since him and he knows it and probably has moved on and doesnt care but I'd like to know. I have too much pride to drag this shit up but fuck... I just want to talk...