i dont like this diary. it has brought me down. but i am not going to stop using it. i have to use it still. i cant go back, i am not even sure why...unless i've realized that i am very very attached to naproxenslut, maybe. i am sorry olivia i really really am. and i know within the past month i've had to apologize to you for several times of freaking out over almost the same thing, but i am having troubles with change right now, and its not your fault, its mine, and im sorry that you have to live through it. i love you though, my love. you'll always be my crush. guitar lessons were just wonderful. i cant wait until that stupid entry goes away, because every time i look at it it reminds me of what a horrible person i am. this morning apparently i was in a piss people off sort of mood. i wish i could take things back. but i cant so all i can do is the next best thing, say im sorry. my mom is gone, and she reminded me just how much i am completely not allowed to have friends over. and i am not having friends over. good me. i have not actually had to follow through with being grounded since i was like 8. i am not used to being controlled. its weird that this is the case. it kind of makes me want to destruct her rules. i hate structure. to smashingpumpkins, in case you have not figured it out yet, i am rosa. i feel like i wish i could say i was somebody else though. i guess i do have homework to work on, but that just doesnt seem like a weekend thing to do, and even with all of my free time, i dont think i will end up doing it. i will just write and watch tv and chat and eat. what is this teaching me? its giving me cancer that is for sure.