i have restated the truth in my mind endless times. and what i know is not what i want to be, but sometimes it is. nothing in the human anatomy means forever or never. those are 2 words that should be deleted from human language. never. never. never again. means nothing people delete themselves of meaning everytime they use the word. forever. or never. and i could just stay on this forever...but not really. you see, because of my human making, which is not like a sunbeam, really, not at all. i naturally exaggerate and say things that mean nothing and other people who do the same things take me seriously. but really. i wont live forever. i wont never be anything ever again, maybe. but its really unsafe to say. and moving on from what i want is hard. but i dont get what i want this time. things are positively negative. which should cancel eachother out. because i can see the good and the bad and i want to get through this. but still. this isnt a math equation, i dont think. maybe i am like a nonpolar molecule. my negative and positive sides dont cancel eachother out because their center of gravity is different. and my positive and negative sides are 2 different entities, on completely different sides of the board. so when the negative comes into play, its amazingly overwhelming. what can i do but run. and face it. or plead. for everything back. what can i do what can i do this is all part of a process. a coordinated process. put together by a something. that i can plead to and it does nothing. because nothing i do can help anything, but purposely. but everything i do changes everything. maybe i should just dance.